A Letter to the Political Candidate

Letter to Candidate - The Shitastrophy

Dear Political Candidate,

It appears you have invested more in our relationship than I have invested in you, and it needs to stop. I’ve had enough of your ‘needing’ or ‘wanting’ me. Seriously just calm the hell down on all the ‘here’s where we are going’ because I gotta tell you, “WE aren’t going ANYWHERE together.” You’re bordering on stalker level with all the emails you keep sending.

I realize I sent you signals I wanted to be in a relationship with you. I got caught up in your position, and the possibility you may become the voice to my many concerns. In a moment of complete stupidity I did what I have never done before, I donated to your campaign. Trust me, it will NEVER happen again.

I was at a low point. Maybe it was the lack of sleep I had had, or the fact that my kids had been home from school for almost 8 weeks on summer break and I was in need of some adult contact. I honestly can’t explain what made me decide that my hard earned cash should be sent to your coffers. I mean, yes it was only $50 so it wasn’t like I had sacrificed the clothes on my kids back to get you the cash. It was more a symbolic gesture of endorsing your platform. I felt like a cog in the wheel’s of our government, albeit a small cog, but one nonetheless. I meant my minimal gesture to be nothing else than a thumbs up for you in a sea of ridiculousness.

Somehow though you have taken my meager donation to mean I want to be inundated with correspondence and a few times even phone calls to discuss my donation. I know I was short on the phone when you reached out, and trust me I could have been even more of an ass. I don’t want to hear from all your advocates about how you really need more everything. You’re scare tactics of touting how without YOU this country will go to hell in a hand basket. But the truth is, it’s already gone to hell, with your help. You’ve become more annoying than the kid at the pool who screams, “Watch this Mom!” a bazillion times in a row, and that’s very very annoying.

So no, you will not get another dollar out of me and if you continue to send me emails multiple times a day indicating how much you “Need My Vote!” I will be forced to vote not with my mind but with my middle finger. Is it not enough that I have to listen to all of you on a regular basis? That every time I read the news, or watch the latest headline updates I have to hear about you and your posse of antagonistic misanthropes. I’m over all of you! Every single one of you have soured me from an idealistic voter in July who thought this country could raise up and be something above the fray, to realizing that you have all created the biggest Shitastrophy ever.

Take it from someone who knows shit, you are all knee deep in it.


The Shit

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