A Mother’s Christmas List

Mothers Xmas List

This year I’ve set the Christmas wish list bar pretty low. In the past I have dreamed of beautiful sweaters, that I ear marked, circled the size, and lovingly put the catalog in my husband’s lap. I’ve scrolled through winter coat after winter coat online to find the perfect one to wrap myself in warmth from the freezing Michigan winters. My kid’s lists have paled in comparison to some of my requests, because let’s face it it never hurts to ask. I always figure, you never know if Santa will be in a giving mood, so shoot for the stars.

But this year I’m keeping it real. I’m not marking up my favorite catalogs like a preschooler set free with a marker and the Toy’s R Us circular. I have yet to email my husband a bazillion links to a new pair of boots, or another parka in hopes of not turning into an icicle these next few months. There is no talk of a coveted bag I have been hawking for over a year. Nope, my list won’t even cost my family a penny!

All I want for Christmas is…

  1. The coats hung up on those fancy things I like to call ‘hooks’.
  2. Shoes not discarded throughout my house like last week’s leftovers.
  3. The toilet seat not peed on, and if I’m being greedy can the seat be put back down too?
  4. Clothes put in the laundry basket, not next to it or near it but actually IN IT.
  5. Shirts or pants right side out for when I wash them, it’s the little things that set me free.
  6. Everyone to eat what is made for dinner without any complaining, yes I did say, “there are starving kids in the world” the other night.
  7. Homework completed without tears – from me or the kids.
  8. Their rooms to not resemble a frat house.
  9. Tissues put in the garbage, not tossed randomly around the room for the dog to eat.
  10. No half drank bottles of water anywhere this includes the car, the house, the book bag.
  11. No one to argue about who gets the front seat, or what radio station we listen to because we are one ride away from everyone in the back and talk radio blaring.
  12. Someone else to pick up the dog shit, seriously our two dogs poop A LOT.
  13. The lunchbox to come home without liquids seeping out of it, or the remnants of the meal being pulverized into dust.
  14. Teeth brushed without chants of, “but I brushed them yesterday!”.

And the number one thing I want for Christmas…

Every morning for the last million years I have had to repeatedly tell the boy to get his socks on his feet. Without fail this is repeated at least three times, every day. I’ve tried advance notice, not caring, threatening, standing over him, everything but nothing has worked. So this year I don’t want my two front teeth, I just want his fucking socks on his damn feet!

Thank you Santa, that would be great –


One Tired Momma

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  1. Dave says:

    The socks thing is a strange bit of passive-aggressive bullshit. Not sure what he’s trying to accomplish, what the end-goal is for defying you in this small, meaningless way. I imagine I’d just leave, taking the other to school or him to school without socks. And if he were to not go to school he’d sit someplace without television, games, etc. all day. You can’t manage footwear, you can’t manage electronic devices either. Sit there. Contemplate your navel. I’m the grown up and will not lose my shit over this crap.