Goodbye My Dear Friend

Lexi Goodbye

She stood guard in the front window daily. The first to warn me of the arrival of a delivery, even if it was for the neighbors, or the garbage man. Her big black block head with it’s white stripe down the middle and warrior paint copper markings was my first line of defense. The glass pane is covered in the remnants of her alerts. Clumps of black hair tumble through the kitchen, gathering like friends conspiring against another under the cabinets. Her eyes would bear into me, pleading for just one more pet because a million was never enough, she always wanted just one more.

I too want one more. I want one more ride in the car with her. I want one more evening watching her groom whosever legs were bare. I want one more moment of the kids lying next to her on the floor. I want one more shoe lace of drool to puddle on the floor in anticipation of her food. I want to hear her tail whip against the wall in excitement one more time. I want one more day of her lying on the ice cold deck, her eyes looking up to the sky in complete happiness. I want just one more everything with her.

Today I had to say goodbye to my Big Girl Lexi, my Bernese Mountain Dog. She was only seven, turning eight in May, but by her breed standards she was well into her golden years. I knew when I first opened my heart for her, when we rehomed her at 10 months old, our time together would be limited. But even if I had her walk with me for the next twenty years it would never be enough.

I had no idea how sick she was, she hid it so well. Animals are like that, stoic not showing the extent of the decline until it is too late. This morning it became evident something was not right and after meeting with our wonderful veterinarian and her assistants who have known my baby from the beginning it was determined there was no other option but to say goodbye. Cancer had spread from her spleen to her liver, she was losing blood and very ill. And through it all she smiled. I hugged my girl, whispered how very much I love her, and gave her just one more pet.

Hug your fur babies tight, love them while you have them, and always give them just one more everything because you never know when it will be time to stop giving one more of anything.

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Comments

  1. Lance says:

    RIP Lexi

    I am so sorry. We thought we had a cancer diagnosis on our golden retriever Buddy before Christmas but for now it’s bad arthritis. Hugs and prayers from me and Deana and the girls. I know how much Lexi meant to you and it’s heartbreaking. So much love to you.

  2. Teri says:

    Alyson, my heart is breaking for you right now. I’m so sorry, I had no idea she was so sick.

    • Thanks Teri, it was a surprise to us as well. I just wish our animals could speak and let us know when they are hurting – but I suppose it saves us from heartache for as long as possible. I miss her horribly already.

  3. samara says:

    I’m so sad for you. But this is really a beautifully written tribute to her.

    • Thanks Samara, my pets are just such a part of my life. Saying goodbye was brutal, but necessary to save her from pain.

  4. Becca says:

    It is always heart breaking to have to lose a pet. From what I read, it sounds like the same cancer that my Golden boy had a few years ago. Before we actually knew what was going on with him, it had already spread and there was nothing to be done at point. We found out his cancer on 12/24/11 and by 1/2/12, we had to put him down. So fast, no time to even be able to help him. I am so sorry for your loss. My Golden was my first “child” and it crushed me to see him suffer. I still miss him every day and it has been over 3 years. Thinking of you and yours, it is a tough time to get through!

    • Thank you and I am so sorry to hear your baby had a similar fate. I didn’t see it coming, and maybe it’s best I didn’t. I just have a hole in my heart now.

  5. I am so incredibly sorry about Lexi. We just lost our 12 year old dog the week before Christmas. It does get easier day by day, but I’m still getting through a lot of ‘first time withouts’…..(even had a weird ‘first time returning from a vacation without him there to greet us’ last week).

    I wrote a post about it that I think you might enjoy but I don’t want to be a link-dropper so I’ll try to find a way to message it to you directly.

    Sending big internet hugs your way.

    • I read your post today – it was beautiful and Jackson sounded like an awesome dog. I hope in a few months the hurt won’t be so real.

  6. Awwww….my heart goes out to you. I’ve lost quite few fur babies over the years and it never gets any easier. I’m very attached to my pugs and fear I will be devastated when that day comes. I worry about them all the time. Hugs to you today, my friend.

  7. Kim says:

    I am so sorry for your loss, Alyson. Lexi was such a beautiful girl.

    We lost one of our pet rats five days before Christmas and that was heartbreaking for us. To some, it may be “just a rat”, but to us they’re family. We feel the same way about our three cats. They’re all family to us.

    Sending love and hugs to you and your family.

    • All animals are special, and the loss of one just leaves such a void. Thank you for reaching out, I am just heartbroken now.

  8. I just don’t know what to say? This is so hard. I’ve been here. My heart is broken for you. Life just sucks sometimes. Dear God. Lexi. Take care of her in doggie heaven. XXXOOOOOOOOOO

    • Thank you Cheryl, it just sucks horribly and I had no idea. I don’t think it would have been better had I seen it coming but maybe. I miss her, Bear misses her, the kids miss her.

  9. Looking at my dog over there who, after licking his nutless sackage for the better part of 15minutes, I’d be at a complete loss without him. He’s my first baby.
    You’ve been in my thoughts. I’m so incredibly sorry. xoxox

    • They do gross things (she use to eat poop and burp up the remnants in our faces) but you can’t help but love them so much.

  10. Phil says:

    So sorry to hear this. Many of us have been there so we feel your pain, and loss. It’s never easy. Stay strong and hold on to all the great memories.