The All Time Best Vibrators

Best Vibrator

When I turned 37 I had a bit of a midlife crisis. I took stock of things in my life and decided that some shit needed to have an extra dose of spice added to it – enter the bedroom. As in sex. As in I had a sudden inclination for wanting to have a lot of really really good sex. My lucky husband. Well our sex life had always been good, but I was ready to take it up a notch. Shit was gonna get real. My mind was locked and loaded on sex toys.

Not having a close knit group of ladies I could ask for vibrator recommendations, I decided to do what I do best – research. I powered up my Mac and set off with Google’s vast querying options to find the BEST vibrator on the market. Not just any one would do. First I needed to learn all about vibrators. For a small tool the complexities and capabilities of this special device was nothing short of astounding. Next I needed to trim down the massive amount of information and pick the BEST love tool available. I read a lot of reviews and consulted multiple sites to get to the cream of the crop.

I found out that batteries are so yesterday, I needed a vibrator that held a good charge (I didn’t want my new beaver buzzer to lose steam halfway through the forest). My electric cucumber needed to be easy to clean. This piece of equipment would be quite intimate with parts of my body, and cleanliness is next to Godliness (and avoids yeast infections). Finally, my new bestie should exude some sex appeal. I don’t find a garish freakish three pronged spearing/slaying device all that much of a turn on. My new Dirk Diggler needed some Sty-le. Oh and noise level was a very important consideration. Nothing will kill that come-get-me moment like the sound of a 747 landing in my vagina.

I searched and searched, no dildo was left unturned. I watched you-tube videos that are forever singed in my mind, all in the name of research. My quest led me to the holy grail of all vibrators: the LELO product line. If you are a lady, or are just into making your lady happy, this is a site you need to know about. Here is the info from their about us page:

LELO is the world’s leading designer brand for intimate lifestyle products. Launched in 2003, LELO is famous for transforming the look, feel and function of how personal massagers are perceived, bringing a new level of luxury to products of this kind.

I can attest to LELO’s amazingness – I own four of them (Soraya, the GiGi, Ina Wave, and the Mona) and they do not disappoint. The LELO design reminds me of what Dyson did for vacuums. They just class the fucked up out of a benign utilitarian tool, but instead of vacuums it is the ladies pleasure poker. BUT be aware, the price is a bit of a deterrent with each pleasure object costing over $100.

LELO Soraya:

And yes I know you can pick up a tickler at Target for $20, but once you get a LELO you will NEVER EVER go back. Any ‘V’ can give you a good rub on the old carpet, but I’m talking finding the holy grail – the mighty G spot. That my friends is what divides the boys from the men, and take it from someone with about 10 vibrators, the Lelo is hands down, the best.

I didn’t pick only LELO though, here is a lower cost choice that is a great add in/on to your LELO’s …the Njoy Pure Wand. I can not say enough about this one either. The Njoy curves at just the right spot to knock on heaven’s door, repeatedly. And ladies, worry not should you have a burglar you want to knock out, the Njoy packs quite a punch at almost 2 lbs. of solid surgical stainless steel. Wowza. Initially it is intimidating, but I gotta say this one is the bomb diggity and it is a steal (see what I did there) at $76 on Amazon.

Finally though my all time favorite is a new playa the Ina Wave, from my old trusted friend LELO. It actually waves, yes it moves back and forth internally while externally tickling the clitoris, thus the name. This is the Maybach/Ferrari/Lamborghini of the vibrator market, and since none of us will be owning one of those doesn’t it just make sense to own one of these? This bad boy will have you arching in seconds and begging for more. I really am not kidding. If you buy nothing else, this is the one to get, and it is $145 on Amazon – but aren’t you worth it? I know I am, and so is my kitty.

There are plenty of other amazing vibrators on the market. You can find ones that turn, twist, and flick. Ones that twirl and swirl, pulse or vibrate, waterproof and fully submersible options. Some come with a remote control for hands free fun, and ones that hit any spot you could think of – and maybe even some you can’t. But in the end I give ‘5 rings of my bell’ to the LELO Soraya and Ina Wave with a close second to the Njoy Pure Wand. Your Welcome.

If you have one that you would like to recommend please let me know. I am always in the market for a new friend, but they will have some big shoes to fill for sure. And no I am not talking about my vagina.

I am not receiving any financial payment for these reviews. I’m nice like that. But you can order them from Amazon, where I am an affiliate meaning I will get some small percentage of your purchase price paid by Amazon…not you, (where I ordered them myself for the best price) I would really appreciate it.

 

 

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Comments

  1. Having done some research on the subject myself, I can appreciate the effort that went into this post. And I’m glad I’m not alone in saying WTF to some of the available designs. Apparently you can re-invent the wheel. But as long as they make us happy, who cares. Enjoy.

  2. I recently purchased Plush Bendy from a Passion Party. It’s annoying that it’s battery powered, but otherwise… ahhhhh love it!! It’s pretty lifelike though, which might be weird for some people.

  3. How could i NOT click on that title?? Fun post. Thanks.

  4. Thank GOD for this recommendation! You know I’ve been in mourning over here since Ice’s burial. Oh, and thank you for making me snort laugh right now in my kid’s orthodontics appointment. You’re a good friend Alyson!

    • I thought of you my bestie bloggy buddy when I posted this, not sure that is appropriate but I knew you could use this info;)

  5. The vibrator market has clearly progressed since the Rampant Rabbit and Magic Finger. Thank you for raising – no pun intended – awareness about what’s on offer. I’ll share the information with my wife before we go away to London this weekend; after 33 years together we sometimes require some additional spice!

    • Gary I do what I can, you know. But if I had to choose one it would be hard choice…so get both for the big weekend;)

  6. Cary says:

    “nothing will kill that come-get-me moment like the sound of a 747 landing in your vagina” – HAHAHAHAH! Priceless.

  7. This is critically important research, and I appreciate your scientific contribution to the world. In completely unrelated news, I just added some items to my Wish List.

  8. Hugh says:

    Always looking for something new here too. Some sound like a freaking Harley Davidson idling in the driveway and the last thing you want is a teenage daughter hearing that thing

    • That would surely make the next family meal awkward, go with the Njoy Wand….it’s fantastic and has no noise whatsoever. Though your significant other might have some things to say – rather loudly.

  9. Thank you for your exhaustive research. Always interesting to see what’s new in the “toy” market. I attended a “toy party” once, which was both amusing and instructional. And while I’m curious to see what you’ve narrowed down as the best, I’m going to resist clicking on the links until I get home, because I’m not sure I could explain the situation if my company were to notice my browsing history over the corporate network, and call me on it (“OK, so there’s this blogger who wanted to understand what…um…oh, never mind”).

    • Yes that could be an awkward employee review for sure, but your HR person would no doubt purchase one themselves.

  10. mike says:

    I would like to say this is great information, but it isn’t really relevant to me. I guess I could get my wife something but then I might be totally left out in the wood shed.

  11. Pamlet says:
  12. I’m dying over “nothing will kill the mood more than the sound of a 747 landing in your vagina” like spit wine through my nose dying!! I have to admit at 38 I bought my first really good one last year but I’m always up for more recommendations. Thanks for this!

    • I was late to the party too, I’m making up for my absence now. Sorry about the wine;)

  13. Kelly Pollock says:

    I own the Lelo Gigi. I agree completely!

  14. My husband gave me this great little gadget to pulsate and scrub my face, he said it would make me glow.. He was right, I do glow, but haven’t used it on my face..

  15. Eric says:

    Well, it doesn’t do me much good, but I have a good friend for whom I am going to recommend this post . . . and then she’ll probably know what I’m getting her for Christmas.

    Been reading through all your posts and I love it!! Stop by mine sometime too, as mine kinda has to come with the same “fuck” and “shit” disclaimer.

    • A fellow curser! You have a lifelong friend in me then:) Yes, your friend will love you – a lot.

  16. Vicky says:

    Did you ever see the “Sex in the City” episode where Samantha is all pissed because her “back massager” from Sharper Image broke and she has to get a new one and she ends up babysitting Miranda’s baby and he wouldn’t stop crying and his bouncy seat broke so she put the “massager” in the baby seat and the baby stopped crying? (Great episode by the way.) My husband bought me that one. I’ve since left him because he is not needed any longer. Just kidding. He’s still here. And so is my massager. I’ll give you one guess which one I’d leave first… 😉 Just kidding. It is definitely not quiet, but it’s quite possible the sound of ME drowns out the sound of IT;)
    V

    • OMG I had forgotten all about that! I remember when Charlotte wouldn’t leave her house because of her rabbit and an intervention was needed. I may need one soon too.

  17. Teri says:

    “nothing will kill that come-get-me moment like the sound of a 747 landing in your vagina.”

    I just peed a little, that line is my favorite line that I’ve read today.

  18. Thanks for ‘takin one’ for the team! WOW, this makes me feel old, or at least old-fashioned. It never dawned on me that you could CHARGE a device like this.
    I have no idea what the name of them are, I just get the one that looks most like my husband, otherwise he would be so intimidated he probably wouldn’t want me to use it. Then I pay as quickly as possible and run from the store with my biggest sunglasses never having been raised from blocking half my face, before I see anyone I used to work with or something. Why this embarrassed me, I have no idea.

  19. Tiffany Davies says:

    I’m a firm believer that every woman over 30 should be issued the NJOY wand. That shits amazing!

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