I know my Shit

One year we opted to go to Langhorne, PA before visiting my family in NJ. Oh, you don’t know what is in Langhorne, PA? You must not be a parent of a child between 1 – 4 years old, or you have completely blocked it out if you are. It is where Sesame Street Place is. If you are not familiar with this kiddie mecca let me explain it to you. It is a water/amusement park that hocks all things Elmo, Big Bird, and Cookie Monster. Throw in a little Zoe and Snuffleupagus and you got the idea. It is full to the brim with strollers, diaper bags, screaming babies, and parades that will make you and your kid have nightmares for years. 

zoeOur son was 4 and our daughter was 2 – and she loved everything Mo-Mo. We flew into Allentown, PA and rented a car to head to The Street. We booked ourselves an evening at a large chain hotel that has an M in it that was located close to Mo-Mo’s home. Upon arrival at the hotel the kids were toast, and just wanted to get their swim suits on and go pee in the pool. Oh, I mean swim in the pool.

We hauled 2 of the 4 bags of luggage up to our room. When we walked in to what should have been two double beds we were greeted with one king, a small couch, and no where for either kid to sleep. This room was so small there was no where to even put the luggage, or a kid if we wanted too. Great. The Hubs called the main desk and spoke to the manager, this was not the room we had booked. The manager informed him that the whole entire hotel was sold out and this was the only option. Awesome.

John went to go get the last two pieces of luggage and stop at the desk to talk to the manager in person. He travels a lot for work and always stays at this chain, he is a Platinum member, surely they could do better than this. While he was down at the car, I began to take the comforter swag off the bed. I got a thing about these sperm holders and I had no intention of keeping it on the bed. When I pulled it up there were 3 or 4 black oblong pieces of unknown origin that rolled onto the white duvet.

After closer inspection I realized that Holy Shit! It was mouse shit! On my Fucking bed!! I was not a happy customer. I got a tissue, picked up the mouse shit, and disposed of it in the garbage. I then waited for The Hubs to come back up with the luggage. He walked in and I told him to go no further we were getting another room. He again went to speak to the manager in person so as to not tip the kids off to our new uninvited guests. I wouldn’t even let them sit on the bed, the couch, or anywhere. We stood in the middle of the room ready to play London Bridges we were so close.

While he was downstairs discussing our issue with the management the housekeeping manager arrived at our door. She entered the room and I told her about the mouse shit on the bed. She demanded to see the mouse shit, apparently the hotel must have thought we were making up the mouse shit in an effort to get a different room since we had not wanted this one in the first place. I took the tissue out of the garbage and produced the mouse shit for her. I could tell she was shocked I had the questionable poop. Hey lady, not my first rodeo.

The housekeeping manager then tried to explain to me that the mouse shit was actually not mouse shit, but really rice that the immigrant cleaning staff dropped on my bed! WTF? So let me get this straight, your cleaning staff eats a superfluous amount of rice while they are cleaning my room? And eats so much of it that is all over them and it just falls on my bed? Somehow food waste from the Caribbean cleaning staff didn’t make me feel any better. I looked that idiot in the face and said just as much. She shut her mouth, turned around, and said she would get back to me.

About 2 minutes later The Hubs arrived to tell me that it was the weirdest thing, out of the blue the manager agreed to upgrade us to the one suite left in the entire hotel. Go fucking figure.


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  1. Squeaky wheel, baby, squeaky wheel. I know my husband sometimes cringes when I take on my “I’m not taking any of this bullsh*t” stance, but it’s ridiculous how low things have sunk in the last few years. So kudos to you for getting that suite!

    • admin says:

      Seriously, my husband says I get all Jersey (I’m a Jersey girl) and I do but sometimes you just gotta stick to your guns. I couldn’t believe that lady thought that some persons food all over my bed was somehow ok. What is wrong with people?!

  2. The mouse turds are rice?? I wonder if she came up with that on the fly, or if that’s the official excuse the hotel uses for any mouse turd incident. Bravo to you for calling her on it!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It really was amazing – Now that you point it out I bet it is the party line for mouse poop!

  3. I don’t know if I would have had the ability to keep having a conversation with her after she said it was rice. I give you mad props for not throwing her out of the room and insisting on only speaking with the general manager. Ugh. Customer service has lost it’s touch.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I was trying to not lose it, but my kids where standing right there. Customer Service has seriously bottomed out.

  4. Terrye says:

    EW! And good for you for demanding what you had paid for. Even if it came with a little rice on the side. 😀
    Found you via the “I Don’t Like Mondays” Blog Hop.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Talk about gross – I couldn’t believe the lady thought that I would somehow be less disgusting that someone else’s food was on my bed.

  5. Oh my god, mouse shit on the bed? Eeek! You know, I’ve lived in Jersey for 15 years, I’ve got two kids and we’ve never been to Sesame Place. I wanted to, but alas, it was not meant to be. And this year, the dreaded parental visit came to me – so no escape. Hang tough!! 😉

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Consider yourself lucky. It was painful.

  6. I have seen mouse shit. I have seen Caribbean style cooking. I have never seen Caribbean style rice that remotely resembles mouse shit.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Thank You!

  7. Teri says:

    GAH!!!!!!! vomit. hurl. toss my cookies. Just Ga-Ross!!!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Yes there is nothing like someone else’s blood in your hotel room to really make you appreciate the finer things in life – like bleach.