Recently I reviewed the funny I Just Want to Be Alone book by Jenn Mann and it got me thinking…what ridiculous shit has my husband done? This is an extensive list, we have been together for over fifteen years. One of my all time favorite Hubs stories is this one, and I have never shared it till now – Enjoy.
It was tax season, and as a newly married couple with dual incomes we feared the taxman would be coming with a large bill. But somehow the Grim Reaper of finances passed us over – we didn’t owe any money, we were actually getting money back!
This called for a celebration in the form of food.
On the drive to the restaurant my little blue Volkswagen Jetta began making a loud noise. When I got to the restaurant I parked the car, got on all fours and cautiously peered underneath it. I fully expected a tree or a body to be there, but there was nothing. The Hubs pulled into the spot next to mine and looked at me quizzically – after all I looked a little strange impersonating a blood hound in the parking lot.
I explained my concerns – there’s a noise, the car is pulling to one side, the car is possessed. He dismissed me; I was imagining it, the car was fine, he would take it tomorrow to the dealership if it would make me feel better.
After dinner I got back in my car and pulled out of the parking lot onto a major road. He followed me in his vehicle after I insisted my poltergeist theory was completely valid. (This was when there were no cell phones)
Almost immediately my car pulled across multiple lanes of traffic on it’s own! The noise was louder something was seriously wrong with my little blue machine. I steered my Getta Betta Jetta into the nearest parking lot, pulled up hard on the emergency break, and got out of the vehicle.
No Way in hell was I driving it again. The obvious answer was the car was possessed.
The Hubs followed me into the lot and stopped directly behind my idling vehicle, a look of annoyance on his face. I stood outside of my car with door ajar and the bell dinging away, my hands planted on my hips. He rolled down his window and asked what the hell I was doing. I informed him of the only logical explanation – a ghost had hijacked my car.
He wasn’t buying it. He suggested we switch cars since I was being completely ridiculous. I warned him that he shouldn’t drive mine. That we should just have it towed, or push it off a cliff, or light a match and walk away, basically anything but drive the car.
He calmly explained the car was fine; I was being crazy. I must have just thought the car pulled me over two lanes of traffic when it was really me changing lanes instead. I stared at him my eyes narrowing, my jaw clenching, and the fury rising in my chest. I got in his car and slammed the door.
I then watched my husband, who is the size of an offensive lineman, fold himself into my tiny Jetta. He shut the door, put it in gear, and went about five feet before the tire fell off the fucking car!
Boom!! The victory lap that went down in my mind was hard to not convey on my face.
Even though our financial windfall had been wiped out exponentially due to the axle breaking (I totally thought ghost) it was worth every penny to have witnessed that moment. And maybe next time he will listen to me.