My Car Shitastrophy

Recently I reviewed the funny I Just Want to Be Alone book by Jenn Mann and it got me thinking…what ridiculous shit has my husband done? This is an extensive list, we have been together for over fifteen years. One of my all time favorite Hubs stories is this one, and I have never shared it till now – Enjoy.

It was tax season, and as a newly married couple with dual incomes we feared the taxman would be coming with a large bill. But somehow the Grim Reaper of finances passed us over – we didn’t owe any money, we were actually getting money back!

This called for a celebration in the form of food.

On the drive to the restaurant my little blue Volkswagen Jetta began making a loud noise. When I got to the restaurant I parked the car, got on all fours and cautiously peered underneath it. I fully expected a tree or a body to be there, but there was nothing. The Hubs pulled into the spot next to mine and looked at me quizzically – after all I looked a little strange impersonating a blood hound in the parking lot.

I explained my concerns – there’s a noise, the car is pulling to one side, the car is possessed. He dismissed me; I was imagining it, the car was fine, he would take it tomorrow to the dealership if it would make me feel better.

After dinner I got back in my car and pulled out of the parking lot onto a major road. He followed me in his vehicle after I insisted my poltergeist theory was completely valid. (This was when there were no cell phones)

Almost immediately my car pulled across multiple lanes of traffic on it’s own! The noise was louder something was seriously wrong with my little blue machine. I steered my Getta Betta Jetta into the nearest parking lot, pulled up hard on the emergency break, and got out of the vehicle.

No Way in hell was I driving it again. The obvious answer was the car was possessed.

The Hubs followed me into the lot and stopped directly behind my idling vehicle, a look of annoyance on his face. I stood outside of my car with door ajar and the bell dinging away, my hands planted on my hips. He rolled down his window and asked what the hell I was doing. I informed him of the only logical explanation – a ghost had hijacked my car.

He wasn’t buying it. He suggested we switch cars since I was being completely ridiculous. I warned him that he shouldn’t drive mine. That we should just have it towed, or push it off a cliff, or light a match and walk away, basically anything but drive the car.

He calmly explained the car was fine; I was being crazy. I must have just thought the car pulled me over two lanes of traffic when it was really me changing lanes instead. I stared at him my eyes narrowing, my jaw clenching, and the fury rising in my chest. I got in his car and slammed the door.

I then watched my husband, who is the size of an offensive lineman, fold himself into my tiny Jetta. He shut the door, put it in gear, and went about five feet before the tire fell off the fucking car!

Boom!! The victory lap that went down in my mind was hard to not convey on my face.

Even though our financial windfall had been wiped out exponentially due to the axle breaking (I totally thought ghost) it was worth every penny to have witnessed that moment. And maybe next time he will listen to me.

MyCarShitastrophy

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  1. Ermahgerd. This happened to me about twenty years ago. I was driving down the freeway and felt something weird happening. I pulled off onto the nearest exit (which was a scary urban landscape, by the way) and just as I did so, my entire wheel *shot* off my car and went rolling down the street. Within minutes my entire car was surrounded with what one local very sensitively called “crackheads” before telling me “don’t get out of your car until your man gets here.” Good times.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I knew we had more in common that just our good looks and wit.

  2. Lance says:

    I’m taking my wife’s car into the shop today. Get off me.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      You are already ahead of the game then. Hope nothing happens between the house and the shop;)

  3. Great story! I can almost feel your smug satisfaction! After saying that, you were very fortunate the wheel didn’t fly off while in the fast lane of the motorway.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Yes, I was pretty HA! In YOUR Face! I Told YOU! when it happened…any maybe every time it comes up since then. Yeah seriously I woulda been killed had that happened during rush hour on that road. Luckily it was like 9:30 pm so no other cars – my guardian angel rocks.

  4. I love it when I’m right, so of course I loved reading about this episode of wifely redemption. 😉

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It really is the best feeling ever.

  5. Victory is so sweet! Even at the expense of the car. Small price to pay for a lifetime of: “I told you so.”

    FWIW, I would have thought it was a ghost too.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Totally worth it for the lifetime of “I Told You So!”

  6. OMGoodness I just spit tea all over myself.
    Why the hell are women the only ones who can
    here the noises of impending doom??
    I hope he learned his lesson:)

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Well he has heard about this a few times since then…it may rear it’s head during other times I am informing him of something and get poo-poo’d…

  7. That is terrifying! Now every time I drive my car, I’ll be on the lookout for ghosts and broken axles… I think I’d prefer a ghost.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      A ghost would have been way better – cause what’s that like a chance in a billion?

  8. Yikes!!! I’m not sure I would have ever been able to get in a car again!!! I do love that you were right, men can sometimes be such “know it alls!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Yeah I drove his for a little bit, but the thrill of victory was worth the fear of it happening again!

  9. Ha! Great story! Would love to have seen the look on his face! My favorite part: “should just have it towed, or push it off a cliff, or light a match and walk away”

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      We had a few other car issues prior to this one, this was the old cherry on top. I think we should have gone with the match to be honest.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Cars – Mommas can’t get enough of naming their babies after an automobile, but with girls it brings a whole new meaning to riding in my Chevy (18), Infiniti (14), Jetta (6), Audi (21), or Bently (11) / Bentley (11) / Bentleigh (58). (oh and BTW I owned a Jetta and the tire fell off it while driving it so not quality vehicle…here’s that story) […]