Days are getting long and nerves are getting short here at the homestead. My nerves are getting frayed like an old rug. I don’t know why I though working from home while having two children here full time would be possible, because it is not. I have chauffeured to the point of break. I have referee’d so much I have decided to ask for a whistle for my upcoming birthday. They are ready to go back to (even though one kid is in denial, he needs the structure that school provides). My daughter is actually excited to go back, but not as excited as I am to send them. Here’s why.
- Fighting: My kids get along for the most part. That being said they have gotten to the point of this summer where the sight of each other immediately brings out a sigh that is tag teamed with a grunt. The love has broken down to tolerable acceptance.
- Cleanliness: During the school year my kids understand that they need to bath every other day, however they are under the impression that they can go DAYS without water and soap hitting their body now. For the love of god…SHOWER and BRUSH YOUR TEETH!
- Food: During the school year they eat three meals a day just like during the summer, but somehow it is such a bigger pain in the ass during the summer. Maybe because at school when they unpack their lunch if they complain and whine I am not there to hear it. Sure their lunch coming home uneaten is a tad frustrating but you know what is more frustrating?? Making lunch for my kids and watching them pick it apart. I don’t make ten choices for lunch, it’s not a buffet here. If they give me the, “Well I just won’t eat” one more time I am gonna go into orbit.
- Errands: Obviously when they are at school I can run all the errands alone. But now they are home and tell me how much they don’t want to go to the post office. I don’t like going either but guess what we are all gonna take one on the chin and go to the damn post office. And grocery shopping with them costs me like an extra $20 every time since I am just trying to get through the place with my sanity in tact, they know I will nod at most requests just because I can’t be there one second longer than necessary.
- Appointments: During the school year I am able to get my hair cut, have an OBGYN appointment, go to the dentist; basically do all those things that I need to for my own health and sanity. During the summer…don’t even think about it.
- Messes: My house is a freaking pig stye. Between the 3 outfits my daughter goes through a day and the fact that my son thinks his plate is ok staying on the table indefinitely I can’t stand it. I am like a god damn parrot telling them to clean up, and while we are talking shit…FLUSH THE TOILET!
- Friends: I haven’t seen my friends in 10 weeks, coincidentally that lines up with when they got out of school. My kids are too old for spelling out key phrases to work, so I just abstain. I can not WAIT to see another adult and have neither of us with a kid in tow.
- Whining: My daughter has mastered the whine. It doesn’t work so you would think she would stop doing it, but yeah she she just keeps at it. I blame Disney XD – those preteens whine all the time. Thanks Disney you suck for showing our kids that whining at 9 is somehow ok.
- TV: We have reached the stage of summer where I will gladly pay for the $4 On Demand movie verse take them anywhere. Last week they watched three Harry Potter movies, thank god there are like 6 because this week is looking painful.
Lately I have been watching my Facebook feed overrun with adorable smiling children dressed in their best and ready to start another year of school. What I would love to see is all the smiling moms as their offspring head off for 180 days of parental bliss.
I have just three more days, kinda like Gilligan’s Island – a three hour tour, what could go wrong?