My Kids Need to Go Back To School, STAT!

Days are getting long and nerves are getting short here at the homestead. My nerves are getting frayed like an old rug.  I don’t know why I though working from home while having two children here full time would be possible, because it is not. I have chauffeured to the point of break. I have referee’d so much I have decided to ask for a whistle for my upcoming birthday. They are ready to go back to (even though one kid is in denial, he needs the structure that school provides). My daughter is actually excited to go back, but not as excited as I am to send them. Here’s why.

  1. Fighting: My kids get along for the most part. That being said they have gotten to the point of this summer where the sight of each other immediately brings out a sigh that is tag teamed with a grunt. The love has broken down to tolerable acceptance.
  2. Cleanliness: During the school year my kids understand that they need to bath every other day, however they are under the impression that they can go DAYS without water and soap hitting their body now. For the love of god…SHOWER and BRUSH YOUR TEETH!
  3. Food: During the school year they eat three meals a day just like during the summer, but somehow it is such a bigger pain in the ass during the summer. Maybe because at school when they unpack their lunch if they complain and whine I am not there to hear it. Sure their lunch coming home uneaten is a tad frustrating but you know what is more frustrating?? Making lunch for my kids and watching them pick it apart. I don’t make ten choices for lunch, it’s not a buffet here. If they give me the, “Well I just won’t eat” one more time I am gonna go into orbit.
  4. Errands: Obviously when they are at school I can run all the errands alone. But now they are home and tell me how much they don’t want to go to the post office. I don’t like going either but guess what we are all gonna take one on the chin and go to the damn post office. And grocery shopping with them costs me like an extra $20 every time since I am just trying to get through the place with my sanity in tact, they know I will nod at most requests just because I can’t be there one second longer than necessary.
  5. Appointments: During the school year I am able to get my hair cut, have an OBGYN appointment, go to the dentist; basically do all those things that I need to for my own health and sanity. During the summer…don’t even think about it.
  6. Messes: My house is a freaking pig stye. Between the 3 outfits my daughter goes through a day and the fact that my son thinks his plate is ok staying on the table indefinitely I can’t stand it. I am like a god damn parrot telling them to clean up, and while we are talking shit…FLUSH THE TOILET!
  7. Friends: I haven’t seen my friends in 10 weeks, coincidentally that lines up with when they got out of school. My kids are too old for spelling out key phrases to work, so I just abstain. I can not WAIT to see another adult and have neither of us with a kid in tow.
  8. Whining: My daughter has mastered the whine. It doesn’t work so you would think she would stop doing it, but yeah she she just keeps at it. I blame Disney XD – those preteens whine all the time. Thanks Disney you suck for showing our kids that whining at 9 is somehow ok.
  9. TV: We have reached the stage of summer where I will gladly pay for the $4 On Demand movie verse take them anywhere. Last week they watched three Harry Potter movies, thank god there are like 6 because this week is looking painful.

Lately I have been watching my Facebook feed overrun with adorable smiling children dressed in their best and ready to start another year of school. What I would love to see is all the smiling moms as their offspring head off for 180 days of parental bliss.

I have just three more days, kinda like Gilligan’s Island – a three hour tour, what could go wrong?


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  1. Jhanis says:

    I would totally want my kids to stay in school forever if not for the fact that I HAVE to take my kids to school and stay there for 2 hours while waiting for one of them to get out. My 3 yo is in pre-school and they have classes 2 hours per day, saves me money and from the anguish over traffic if I stay there. Pfft.

    • Yeah I drive 45 mins round trip back and forth each day, but if I had a little one only there for 2 hours I would totally sit in my car with a cup of coffee and relax. Hell still totally worth them going.

  2. I agree with every one of your reasons!!!!! Especially the 20 extra at the grocery sore, I completely forgot what shopping with Peter was like!!! And I too have forked over the money for the pay per view movies!! We have two weeks till the big day!! Pray for me!! Lol!

    • TWO WEEKS?! Oh I wouldn’t make it! Jake just said he thought today was his day to relax when I told him he has tutoring…

  3. My darlings have two weeks to go. Sigh. I’m right there with you, my friend, and for the love of God, I echo your sentiments “Flush the toilet!” Uck! My kids (husband included) don’t do it either. It’s starting to smell like the Port Authority up in here.

  4. I envy you your three days. I’ve got two more weeks!

    • Oh god I wouldn’t make it, these three are gonna be touch and go already. Good luck.

  5. I haven’t had a haircut in six months. You do not even want to know what a hot mess it is right now.

    • I think it took me 3 reschedules before I got mine, and then it was only bc my hubs sensed I was near implosion and he forgot to pick up a kid a practice. I just ignored him, he could figure it out.

  6. I swear I have gained weight since summer break started and I should probably be turned in to child services for the amount of time I have let son play on his Nintendo DS. Summer fail.

  7. I nodded so hard I got a neckache reading this! Seriously, just the lunches ALONE were enough to drive me crazy this summer! Add in the fighting, and I was done. Thankfully, both of my children are currently in their classrooms…oh wait, salt in the wound?! ;)-Ashley

  8. I couldn’t agree with you more. Mine went back yesterday, and now I can schedule the pap smear, the mammogram, the colonoscopy, the dental cleaning, the eye exam… I PREFER THESE THINGS OVER SUMMER.

    • I would much rather a colonoscopy than my kids being home for 10 weeks straight any day.

  9. Anne Bardsley says:

    Haha…Oh the memories. I have to go lay down now. You all exhausted me!!

  10. Amen, sister. Amen.

  11. I always feel a little excited at the end of the school year when I get to have the kiddos back at home. I dream of days playing in the ocean, building sand castles at the beach, hiking together holding hands and then reality hits…..the kids are trying to beat the shit out of each other every night fighting over the sink, they leave their crap all over the house (especially wet towels), and they roll their eyes and moan when asked to do the smallest chore. Yep, its good for them to go back to school.

    • By June I am done making lunches and morning arguments about shoes and brushing teeth. But by September I will gladly make 1000 lunches and brush every kid in the neighborhood’s teeth to get freedom.

  12. My stroke of genius for this year… Schedule a camp for my 13-y.o. Girl on the last week before they go back on Tuesday. Lots of boy action movies and errands, but peace for 8 hours a day. Taught 10y.o son how to use the panini maker and he thinks it is so much fun he is making his lunch and mine. Way more peaceful than previous years… Think about it for next year.
    My hair is still a mess though and my 2 month pedicure is disgusting, but I am way more chill.

    • Oh that is genius! That’s the thing…when there is only the one it is not bad at all but once I add in the dynamic of the other holy shit is it aggravating!

  13. Amy says:

    Amen!!!! I work full time at home and thought oh it will be fine if he stays home. Holy hell by the end of the summer is resorted to telling him to leave me alone he was getting on my damn nerves!! He is turning 11 this month. He was not at all excited about going back but I couldn’t wait. I took one of those first day pictures you talked about, he wouldn’t smile and I didn’t even care! I took 3 with that pissy look on his face. Lol can’t wait to hang that one up for conversation. Lol

    • Hell having mine off on Labor Day was beyond my abilities…they really should just got to boarding school.