My Summer in Numbers

Summers Coming! Summers Coming! Growing up this meant long days at the beach playing running bases, hide and seek, and truth or dare. It meant swimming, sunning, and playing. If it was cloudy or windy we still went to the beach and, as long as it wasn’t lightning, and we stayed all day until dinner time. It was great. I never complained to my mother, it would have been a waste of air. We were expected to make our own fun.

As a parent Summers Coming! Summers Coming! Means something entirely else. It means my kids will undoubtedly tell me “I’m bored” a minimum of 1 million times this summer. I will also hear “there’s nothing to do” no less than 500,000 times. Sprinkled in this whine will be the guaranteed “there is no one to play with” at least 250,000 times. What this all translates to me is what I like to refer to as my 3 A’s: Annoyance, Aggravation, and Anger.

Annoyance because we live on over an acre of property that butts up to woods and hiking trails. We can go to a swimming pool to cool off anytime we want, oh and then there is that little place we like to call our cottage. Any and all of these options will be delivered on a silver platter as potential things to do, and will initially be greeted with Yes! Sure! Ok! but by mid-July will instead be the equivalent of eating horse shit.

Aggravation because both of them have so many toys that Toy R Us is going to start asking us to stock their shelves. These are things that were “must have’s” and “I will do anything to get”. These are items that they couldn’t wait to spend their birthday money on. Coveted characters collected with gusto until the entire set was complete. Enough dolls and accessories that I am pretty sure American Girl might ask us to donate to a museum one day. But like in Toy Story, they now lay around forgotten. My kids are growing up and many of the toys are no longer part of the rotation. The million toy march leads to my basement storage room, to be saved forever because “We can’t throw that out or donate it; it’s my favorite!”

Anger because undoubtedly I will hear the two of them arguing about anything and everything. The girl will purposefully get under the boy’s skin with questions and interruptions that she knows will set him free. The boy will make up songs and various ways to torment her that he knows will send his sister into the stratosphere. Deep anger will grow as I will be repeatedly asked by the girl for “something to eat” of which she will eat 3 bites and then proclaim “I’m full”. This will be replayed every 2 hours, on a permanent 10 week loop.

I will shuttle kids from camp to camp, play date to play date, and take on countless errands. I will undoubtedly hear about the horror of spending time with each other during our forced family fun events. They will tell me how this would be so much better if whatever friend they wanted had joined us instead of their sibling. I will most likely melt down and send them to their rooms at least once a week, if not a day. I will count to three about 1,000 times. I will trip over no less than 4 pairs of shoes a day and spend most of my time wiping the bazillion crumbs and shit that are left on the table/counter/floor/faces.

Ahh summer, it use to mean so much to me, now it is just a collection of numbers. My new chant has become School is coming! School is coming!

 

SummerHell

 

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  1. Word. Here it’s “I’m hungry” every 10 damn minutes because they’re bored… or just gluttons.

    • admin says:

      Seriously my 7yo has 3 breakfasts, I think she has a tapeworm or something.

  2. The summer is strange because I want to love that my kids are home, and enjoy the “slower”pace, but you do become the Social Director, much more than you do when they are in school. You are right as a kid I couldn’t wait for summer and now as a mom September looks pretty good to me!!

    • admin says:

      I know I am torn, cause it is so nice to have the relaxed pace. No constant discussion about where is your homework folder? Do you have your lunch? blah blah blah. But by mid-July I will be pining for that convo cause they are gonna drive me CRAZY I am sure of it.

  3. My two girls start arguing from the moment they wake up about whatever crosses their line of vision. This continues until I snap – which then forces them to team up in solidarity against the man. Or, against the Mommy. And then they plan epic catastrophes which result in major cleaning. So, I’m not sure what’s worse for my sanity at this point…

    • admin says:

      Well at least they unite on something, it’s just to bad it’s you/hubs! My kids are too young to realize they could unite against me, but by next year I think they will have figured it out. So I got that to look forward to.

  4. Rhonda says:

    A few years back I’d hit my breaking point. I was so tired of hearing “I’m bored” I told my boys if I heard it again, were washing my walls. It sucked to enforce, but after about 4 minutes of “washing” a wall with a damp rag, they didn’t say they were bored for the rest of the day. After that, I hear I’m bored I tell them I have some walls that need washing and they run away and play instead.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I will be using this today. Thank you.

  5. Carroe says:

    And a year later…it still makes sense.

    A week before school is out, I start making all kinds of mental list of my 16 year old to do.

    On that list is to just go away. Not like forever, but for a night or weekend.

    And at 16…that TOPS her list.

  6. I’m DYING picturing Shaun.

  7. Deanna Jordan says:

    Mine is at Disneyworld. Her Dad took her the day school got out. It will be interesting to see how she feels about her cool dinasour day camp mommy enrolled her in goes over next week. Hmph.

    • Maybe start off every morning with McD’s or a shake or something…cause yeah that’s gonna be hard to top. Of course it is as hot as hell in Fl now so unless you live where it is so humid you could Scooby Doo cut it with a knife she might be happy to be home.

  8. Roshni says:

    *groan* Don’t remind me what already happens in my house every weekend! Only, now that I can trust them on the streets by themselves, I invariably just shoo them out of the house and be done with it!!

  9. Phil says:

    Your first paragraph summed up exactly what our summers were like as kids. Always had something to do and there was no internet or video games back then. It was better.

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