Our Wedding Shitastrophy

When my husband and I were engaged we lived in Indiana, were getting married in New Jersey, and building a house in Michigan. Nothing like a love triangle of stress. I recruited my retired father for an assist on identifying a hotel in New Jersey for our guests to stay at prior to the ceremony. The reception and the church were about an 50 minutes apart on a good day. People were staying one place Thursday & Friday and at the hotel where the reception was on Saturday. Yes, I realize that this is logistically ridiculous but I had few wishes for my wedding and one of them was to have a reception at the beach.

The hotel that my father selected was the Comfort Inn. It was short on comfort and more of a get me the hell OUT of here than Inn. My father was in the Navy and raised by only his father – perks were not something he considered. I somehow foolishly forgot this. The hotel was chosen because it did not have the weekend two-night minimum stay like all the other hotels did. Major Red Flag!

My husband-to-be’s room (that he shared with the best man) was horrendous. Seriously. When they shut the shades, to block the construction workers from looking into their room via the large picture window, the shade fell out of the hinge and clocked him in the head. This was nothing though. The room had a hole in the floor, the actual floor!, just outside the bathroom. This required they jump/step over it or risk falling through the carpet to the sub floor (and probably breaking a foot). The towels looked like a pack of moths had been unleashed and the blanket…well let’s just say my soon-to-be went down to the lobby in his shorts and undershirt holding the blanket up while screaming through it at the front desk person. He then proceeded to put his arms through all the many holes in it. He left the blanket in the lobby and demanded to be let out of the reservation, they refused.

Other guests at this fine establishment was my good friend and his wife from Pittsburgh. She arrived at the hair salon the morning of the wedding crying because the hotel was so gross she couldn’t get ready there. My college roommate, who drove across the country from Arizona, showed up for the pictures at my parents house with soaking wet hair because she got dressed in the car verse spend one more minute in the room. My father-in-law spent all night Thursday driving around to all of the motels in the area begging them to give them a room for one night verse the standard Jersey Shore two-night minimum at inflated prices. He was finally able to score rooms for him, my mother-in-law, and my husband’s 85 year old grandmother that drove in from Detroit with her daughter.

The level of filth and overall upkeep of the place was beyond comprehension. Blood on the bathroom tile, garbage all over the grounds, and when my MIL went to hang her stuff up the closet rod just fell to the floor – it was like that scene in The Money Pit where Shelley Long just throws the shoes in the closet.

Two of the groomsmen showed up, took one look, and left for the reception hotel and paid for two nights at the shit hole on top of the cost for the new hotel. My husband and the best man relocated to the hotel where the reception was after the rehearsal dinner. They ended up paying for the Friday night at the shit hotel ($150/night) and then an additional $400/night at the very nice hotel.

However, not one person batted an eye at the crazy price for the reception hotel after spending time in the shit hole hotel. Well played Dad, well played.

OurWeddingShitastrophy

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Comments

  1. Nice work, Seamus. There’s nothing like a ridiculously inconvenient wedding day to ruin everyone’s weekend, er keep them on their toes. It was my understanding that all of New Jersey is as you describe the Comfirt Inn. Is this incorrect?

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It was my way of testing them if they really loved me. Most passed. And no not all of NJ is like this – remember it is The Garden State;)

  2. Oh dear!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It was a lovely time for all involved.

  3. Rhonda says:

    Holy Crap! You make me laugh at the story because it seems like something from a movie. Crazy that a place like that can stay in business.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I seriously think I am the original Truman Show – how else do you explain this much insanity in someone’s life?

  4. Keirsten says:

    Oh my g-d!!!! We stayed at the resort from the get go!! That fucking shithole had me a teensy bit concerned that everyone had TETANUS SHOTS and ALL STANDARD IMMUNIZATIONS CURRENT!!!
    I laugh my ass off now, but seriously I think they may have filmed a few SLASHER FILMS there!!!
    I was glad we were at the resort….. If we would’ve been there with your Flower Girl, you may have had to bail me out of the klinker!!
    Haha!!!!!
    FOR THE RECORD : THAT RESORT IN LONG BEACH WAS SPECTACULAR THE BRIDE AND GROOM AND FLOWER GIRL WERE MAGNIFICENT
    THE PARENTS WERE BEAUTIFUL
    THE FOOD WAS HEAVENLY!!!! THE BEST!!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Yeah for once I was pretty psyched to be staying in my parents dungeon – aka the basement! No way in hell would I have made it at that place. I still laugh thinking of your mom going to hang up her stuff and the rod falling off, and the construction guy almost causing her to stroke when he came over the rail!! I was laughing last night just typing this up.

  5. Wow, that sounded awful and will admit I have been lucky with hotel stays, but think I too would have been crying if I had to spend even an hour here, because sadly I am a girly girl and this place sounded like a true nightmare to me.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It was beyond nightmare – I wouldn’t have made it. I felt so bad for everyone because there were limited options – you know how the shore hotels book up. The good news was everyone was cool with the $400 for the really nice place after experiencing what $150 gets you in Jersey.

  6. Perspective is everything, isn’t it? I wouldn’t have complained about the high-priced hotel either. Blood on the bathroom tile? Yikes.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I think the only hope for this place was a flame thrower. It was disgusting.

  7. Well, you didn’t get ebola. So, there’s that. I’d call it a success.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It was close, best part – everyone thought the reception hotel was amazing after experiencing the other one. I call that a win.

  8. Dave says:

    I know this hotel. Surprising that they moved it from St.Louis to New Jersey, though.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      When you get such awesome reviews it is hard to not want to franchise it all over the country.

  9. Kat says:

    Heelarious! Love all your posts, but this has got to be my favorite by far.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I was laughing while writing it:) So funny to remember it all…of course I wasn’t staying there so that helped. oh and thanks!!!

  10. Teri says:

    Totally grossed out.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Jersey does it again.

  11. If only they’d had Twitter back then, right?

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Seriously.

  12. Natalie says:

    I am a hotel snob and this post caused me to twitch. We stayed at a place like this when I was 9 months pregnant with my first child. I think that is what put the fear of God in me about hotels being roach free. I gag.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I am a total hotel snob…but only because I have experienced the shit end of the spectrum too. I can now appreciate a good hotel.

  13. OHMAHGAWD. That’s disgusting. I think I stayed at that hotel’s sister-location in Amarillo once. *shudder*

  14. That’s the thing about the Comfort Inn, you never know. I’ve stayed at a couple that were really decent–still no amenities, but they were clean, nicely kept, etc. Then others where I was sure the bed bugs would drag me out by hair. ::shudder::

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      They really need to change the name to – It’s Just Ok Inn.

  15. Yikes! You’re making our home-spun wedding sound downright magical. Huh. Last time I ever complain about the things we missed out on, like a wedding cake.

    As for the hotel thing — we found a used condom in our bed covers at a Red Roof Inn. Thank goodness it was discovered as we peeled back the blankets, as opposed to after lying down upon the bed. *shudders* … I get grossed out just remembering that day!

    Oh, and my son sat down on his bed to laugh about the situation and it broke beneath him. So that happened.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Home spun is the way to go – cheaper and much more realized!

      OMG A used condom! I might have thrown up right there on the sheets, and yet it would still be an improvement to that!! Holy shit – worst.hotel.story.ever!