The other day while wasting time/avoiding doing any actual work I was scrolling through Facebook and came across the most adorable, the sweetest looking little puppy – and I was smitten. My good friend is an amazing lady that fosters dogs in her home and she had posted a picture of Penny, a 15 week Bernadoodle in need of a forever family. Just in case you aren’t sure that is a cross of a Bernese Mountain Dog (OMG MY FAVORITE DOG) and a Poodle. Penny looked all shaggy poodle, and she had the soulful eyes of a girl who’s lived a less than ideal life. She was shy looking and needed me to love her.
I already have two dogs, Bear (a Bernese Mountain Dog) and Marley (a Golden Retriever/idiot), so adding a third dog, and a puppy at that, was probably not my best idea. The only problem? My mind was on a permanent loop of “OH MY GAWD PUPPY”. I quickly texted my husband who was driving 2 hours away to a meeting…”Can we get another dog? Pllllleeeeeeaaaaasssseeee?” After what seemed like forever I got the response, “Really?” as in ‘are you fucking crazy?’ the answer is ‘yes, yes I am’. Ultimately he saddled me not with a real answer, but one oozing with guilt, “think about it for a couple of hours”. It’s like he just KNOWS I spent zero time contemplating the acquiring of this dog past OH MY GAWD PUPPY!
If you don’t know we have really shitty luck with our pets. Every single pet we have owned, rescued, rehomed, and purchased have ALL required major surgery. I’m not talking oh lets neuter the animal, no I am talking shoulder repairs, two torn ACL’s, a 9 lb tumor, and a new hip (for the puppy, because of course). On top of major surgery ALL dogs have sensitive tummies that have required pricey dog food or else they will leave a trail of shit throughout our home, and normally on the carpets. This is always tag teamed with random freak issues like the puppy breaking out in bumps for weeks on end, dental cleanings that cost $400 because they are big dogs and require big anesthesia, various cysts that need to be biopsied, and other shit that results in us being in the top 10 payers to our vet over the last decade. They love us as much as we love them.
So getting a new puppy means more than just welcoming in a new bundle of joy, but a careful consideration in how much is this one gonna cost? Add in the joy of already owning two, and having two kids, and our constant chaotic schedule and well I REALLY WANTED THIS PUPPY BUT…maybe I would get a sign from the universe to help me make a decision because I believe in this shit (mainly so I can blame others).
On the day of Puppygate my son asked if he could take Marley (our idiot retriever) for a walk in our woods. Since he wasn’t playing video games and wanted to do actual activity I was alllllll for this idea. Off the two went and about 45 minutes he came back home with a very tired puppy. I heard Marley drink enough water for a small army and collapse on our tile floor. Eventually I got up to go into the kitchen and looked down at our white retriever and noticed he was covered in burs. Well that’s gonna happen on a walk in the woods so I moseyed over to get the brush to rid him of his new found polka dots.
BUT when I went to actually brush him out I realized “THOSE AREN’T BURS!” he was – I shit you not – COVERED in fucking ticks! He looked like a dalmatian he had so many on him. I have never seen that many god damn ticks in my life, and they were now in my kitchen, covering my dog and my tile floor. I quickly lost my shit.
“JACOB! GET IN HERE!” I screamed while beginning the process to remove the beasts off my beast. My kid knew something was wrong since I was kinda going bat shit crazy so he came with the speed of light, a first for him. I proceeded to spend the next half hour combing the black little fucks off my baby while simultaneously screaming at my kid to hold the bag open, or get the rogue little shit that was trying to make a run for it on my tile floor. During the process my vet called to discuss the new puppy, I had placed a call to her to check on the mix before committing to our new friend, experience has taught me a few things.
“Um, I’m gonna need to call you back, Marley is covered in ticks.” I explained with alarm.
“What tick preventative is he on?” she asked
Well that would be none because well he has never needed tick preventative because he’s white and there are no ticks in our yard, but apparently there are in the woods.
“I’ll leave tick meds at the front counter for Bear and Marley. This way if a tick bites him it will die.” she responded.
I love my vet.
“Ok, great thanks!”
I finished Ticktastrophy and packed my kid up to go get the meds and a Halloween costume (nothing like waiting till the week before). That walk in the woods cost $47 in meds, and the Halloween costume only cost me $16 (Richard Nixon mask because of course). Seriously wtf.
I spent the rest of the night seriously contemplating getting Penny the puppy but came to realize our Ticktastrophy was just the sign I needed to let me know we can not handle one more fucking thing in our lives. Sadly Penny would not become part of the Shitastrophy of my life, but I have learned she is being adopted by my friend’s good friend who lives in Iowa. They have a few kids and have been looking for a dog for awhile. Penny will have a wonderful life and really that’s all I can ask for, oh and maybe no more ticks.