Sex Toys for Dogs, WTF?

SexToysforDogs

Pets are a wonderful addition to any home. Our home has two Bernese Mountain Dogs that we love dearly. They provide non-stop shredding, pooping, panting, slobbering, farting and more. The kids love them with all their heart, The Hubs puts up with them, and I am smitten. The biggest problem with our massive 100 lb. beasts, besides the grocery and vet bill, is the non-stop tumbleweeds of hair through our home. It is hard to find a person not covered in black shag fur, a meal without at least one extra piece of protein in it, or an animal to trip over because they love us so much they must be right next to me All.The.Time.

I suppose we are lucky. We could have it worse.

There are the animals that bark incessantly. My sister had a neighbor who put their little demon out in the yard to yap all day. It drove her nuts, so I did the only thing I could think of (no I didn’t set it free). I gave her a gadget that emitted a high frequency noise every time the dog barked. The dog quickly caught on, and the neighbors were probably proud of their pooch for beating his habit all on his own. Everybody won.

There are the pups that pee when they get excited. I feel kinda bad for these guys, cause I myself have been known to loose a little liquid if I sneeze or jump on a trampoline. So I totally get it. However, it is awkward for all involved when your friend’s pooch piddles all over the floor every time you visit. And those doggie diapers are just a fashion no.

There are the pups that eat off your plate, beg at your side, and basically steam roll you for any morsel of food. Ours are trained to not eat their food until we give the command. One time I forgot to tell the sitter this rule and she called me upset because poor Bear refused to eat and was just staring at her. However when they are left home alone it’s a free for all. The dog will eat any piece of paper he can get his teeth on – regardless of location. The counter and trash bins are fair game.

But no matter what kind of pup you got the absolute most embarrassing is the pup that humps you, the guests, kids, or inanimate objects. You name it and the frisky fella is all over getting some lovin’ like Ron Jeremy during a camera closeup. These intimate moments typically happen at the most inopportune times. The worst is if you have a small child and they are mounted from behind by the family love hound. That’s an awkward, and hysterical, moment that I am sure most people could do without. But what are you gonna do when the steel poker comes looking for a hot pocket to violate? Worry no more…now you can send your sex fiend animal into the other room to satisfy himself in privacy.

This is the perfect toy for every wiener in the canine crowd. Behold the Hot Doll For Dog sex toy.

dog sex toy

Photo courtesy of HotDollForDog.com

The Hot Doll® for “trendy dogs”, comes with stability control built into the paws in the form of rubber ridges to grip surfaces. You wouldn’t want Tiny losing his grip while in the throws of passion would you? The Hot Doll® is made of silicone, for easy cleaning – because if it isn’t bad enough cleaning up after your pets poop how about adding their other fluids to the mix.

In case your canine is not into modern love, and prefers something a tad more traditional, there is the Doggie Lover Doll®. This item reportedly ships with lubricant as well, wouldn’t want your poor pup getting injured during his proclivities would you?

doggieloverdoll_posicoes.img_assist_custom

Photo Source PetsLady.com www.doggieloverdoll.com

I think it is safe to say that sex dolls for your dog is taking the whole personification of our beloved pets a bit too far. Sure there are those individuals that prefer to carry the family fur baby in a Baby Bjorn®, or walk them in a stroller, and dress them up in adorable outfits, but this is too much. It is high time we go back to treating our animals like they should be, animals.

Now if you excuse me I have to go make my pups their filet mignon dinner with a side of baby carrots.

 

 *if you would like to see the other horror I stumbled across on Pinterest click here! Be careful you will not be able to unsee this one either.

 

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Comments

  1. mike says:

    ok, that is a bit too bizarre, even for me. I guess if it works for someone then who am I to judge…..

  2. I’ve had conversations with other pet owners where we will giggle a little bit about dogs that have their “humpies”, usually a stuffed toy or a slipper or whatever but this is just too much!

    • Could you even imagine having this in your home? Do you have them go in the other room or is it just there in the TV room and you all try to act natural?

  3. One of my male pugs likes to lick my female pug…uh…down there. I call it pugalingus.
    When the kids started asking what was going on, I’ve gotta admit I was stumped.
    Maybe one of these toys will take the edge off.

    • Pugalingus..snort…that’s fantastic. Think of all the family conversations you can have with this item.

  4. Once upon a time, long long ago, we owned a Jack Russel who was born disabled. The lack of a front paw did not deter his lecherous proclivities to mount anything in sight. His previous owner had purchase a flounder toy,*yes the fish from little mermaid* and he fell in love with it. When we took him in the doll came with him. Now add in a female cocker spaniel who had the hots for aforementioned Jack Russell. Who came into heat and practically spread it all over him. Only to have him get excited, leave the room and lay into Flounder like a dying man in an ocean. that my friend is redneck entertainment at it’s finest..

  5. Jamie says:

    I am a little disturbed by this, I thought pet-strollers were the worst/stupidest thing i’d ever seen…

    I sincerely hope this doesn’t make it’s way into my dreams tonight :/

  6. Uh…what? Our dog has been sufficiently convinced of his place in the household chain of command (the bottom) that he’s stopped humping things (well, the occasional other dog he’s trying to dominate, but I’ve only seen that once in about the last two years). He will, however, drink all the water in his bowl, then kick the water bowl and glare at me. Asshole.

  7. Liz says:

    Wow. I keep thinking I’ve seen it all and then I remember Pinterest. And other people.

    • I might have to start backing away from Pinterest bc that place is freaking me the fuck out.

  8. Isn’t it a little sexist that these toys are only made to satisfy the urges male dogs? Mind you, I’m not exactly sure how the logistics of a female dog sex toy would work but there are smarter people than me out there who go out & get engineering degrees just so they can figure this kind of stuff out.

    • Maybe they are busy using the 3d copier to print off their ideas, bc I saw that you can make sex toys on those. That sounds sanitary.

  9. So wrong. So, so wrong.

  10. That is probably one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. You’re right. I won’t be unseeing it any time soon….