Since I highlighted Expectant Announcements, you can read about it here, I figured I would discuss what you should name your little bundle of joy upon her arrival!
Let’s face it people, you got one chance to pick your baby girls name. There really shouldn’t be a do over in this category. You need to spend some time thinking about the ramifications of the name you have chosen, this is your child we are talking about.
I researched a large sample of girl baby names from the Social Security records for 2012. The list only included names that occurred 5 or more times – digest that. More than 5 people thought these were acceptable names for their child. Here are some of my favorites, how many people actually named their child this, and my thoughts on it. [Name, (# of people that picked this name)]
- Amazyn (8)/Beautiful (88)/Gorgeous (14) – These are adjectives, not names, and you spelled Amazing wrong.
- Baby (6) / Girl (19) – Possibly these are the ladies that are featured on TLC’s I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant.
- Candida (6) – This is a type of yeast, not a name. Don’t even tell me about the Tony Orlando song, that shit is 40 years old and is no excuse.
- Chardonnay (8) – This is a type of wine, not a name.
- Cherry (39) – As in popped your cherry?
- Deva (7)/Diva (8) – This is not how you want your girl to be thought of. No employer is going to want to hire someone that thinks they are too good to do anything – trust me on this.
- Ferrari (5) – This is a car that you will most likely never drive. It is not what you want your kid associated with, as in I will drive Ferrari tonight.
- Free (5) – Your child should not be named free. I don’t care if their birthday is July 4th it is still not ok.
- Gift (8) – No. Just no.
- Happy (5) – I love Adam Sandler as much as the next guy, but Happy only goes with Gilmore.
- Island (15) – Could you imagine the torture this girl is going to get in elementary and high school (she’s as big as an island!)? And 15 people named their girl this!! WTF?
- Jewlz (5) / Trynity (13) / Trixie (10) – All I can think is that these little girls future career will involve heels, a pole, and glitter.
- Maybelline (5) – This is a brand of makeup – and not even the high end brand. It is not a name.
- Modesty (20) / Purity (7) / Chastity (30) – Almost a guarantee your kid will be a slut.
- Man (8) – why would you name a girl baby Man? Why?
- Peaches (6) – I don’t care if this is a family name, never an option. Ever.
- Price (6) – Your child is not a currency.
- Reason (5) – I can’t even understand this.
- Riot (6) – Dear lord, why would you ever name your child this?
- Thistle (5) – This is something that your dog gets in their fur that is fucking impossible to get out. It is not a name.
- Whisper (18) – You will not hear a whisper for the next 5 years, good luck with that.
Please parents think of your kids before you saddle them with a fucking ridiculous name! And if you are in doubt I found this awesome app that is available – Nametrix by Mark Edmund. It is available for both your IPhone and IPad for only $0.99!! Here is the description compliments of the Itune Store: Name research taken to another level — fascinating, real-world analysis you’ll find in no other app, website, book or anywhere else. Our software has analyzed millions of real people and their professions throughout history via data provided by the US government and Wikipedia. View the results right here in unprecedented detail.
You now have no excuse! Seriously this shit is out of control and needs to stop. Name your child a respectable name please! And if you liked the girl list be sure to check out the boy list! I actually think that one is worse!! You can read it here. Enjoy!