Stop Naming Your Kids Stupid Shit, The Boy List

Recently I featured a post titled Stop Naming Your Kid Stupid Things, you can read about it here. I only showcased girl names….but you know that there is a whole other world of dumbassery still untouched. So today I present – Boy Names! After all, I am an equal opportunity slayer and want to ensure I represent the other sex.

Just as a refresher course, and for those that might have missed the girl version, these are actual names compiled from a large sample of the 2012 Social Security database. Hard to believe it but it’s true. And remember these names don’t make the list unless at least 5 idiots, I mean parents, picked it out. Are you ready? Ok…here goes…..

1) Parents seem to love naming their boys girls names. I am talking about pretty clear cut girl names being awarded to boys. Not just a few – but more than 350 boys in my sample were named a girl name – Farah (5) and Blythe (8).

2) Next up I noticed the trend of naming your child after religion or royalty. I mean who doesn’t want their kid to be king of the world, or universe -amIright? But isn’t that a lot of pressure to put on your child – Christ (29) and Kingdom (5)?

3) Then there are the parents that love nature. Who doesn’t?! I love the outdoors, as much as the next person. But would you name your boy Breeze (7) or Cloud (23)?

4) I can’t forget to highlight names that really should be for your pet, not your kid. There were plenty to pick from but here’s just two – Lucky (36) and Champ (42).

5) Finally I give you the WORST FUCKING NAMES on the list:

  1. Amillion (6) – I can only assume this is like, my kid be makin A Million dollas!
  2. Baby (12) / Babyboy (5) /Boy (19) / Child (42)  – The old uh-oh I am having a kid and only had 9 fucking months to pick out a name but somehow didn’t option.
  3. Brain (6) – When you name your kid brain they most likely will be stupider than shit.
  4. Calliou (14) – Have these people not seen that fucking horrible whiney brat on TV? WTF people.
  5. Dickson (6) – Any name with the word Dick in it should be an obvious no.
  6. Dijon (14) – This is a condiment, not a name.
  7. ESPN (10) – This is a TV station, not what you call your kid you morons. You realize your kid is going to hate all sports BTW.
  8. Famous (7) / Fortune (5) – I can guarantee your kid will be neither of these.
  9. Great (5) / Greatness (6) – Good luck with this, those terrible 2’s and 3’s and gonna make you fucking hate this name.
  10. Harsh (20) – You know what’s harsh, a winter – not a name.
  11. Huckleberry (7) – Is Tom coming over to play too?
  12. Jojo (6) – This is a horrible kids TV show about a ridiculous clown. Kids hate clowns. Do not name your kid this.
  13. Kilo (5) – This is a unit of measurement, or if you are a drug lord it is how you measure your cocaine. It is not a name.
  14. Law (7) – I have a feeling your kid is going to spend a lot of time with the law.
  15. Mars (27) – This is a planet, and not even a good one. Nothing lives on Mars.
  16. Mister (12) – Hey Mister takes on a whole new meaning for your son.
  17. Moo (6) – WTF are you thinking naming your son after a noise a cow makes?
  18. Nimrod (6) – You should be shot for naming your kid this, seriously.
  19. Pilot (10) – This is a profession, not a name.
  20. Price (48) – Seriously?! This is not a name! And how in god’s name did 48 people think it was???
  21. Rage (6) – You will never know true rage until your kid takes your diamond engagement ring and feeds it to the dog to see if it really will come out the other end. Enjoy.
  22. Riot (55) – Maybe he should hang out with Law, sounds like they would get along splendidly.
  23. Tan (8) – This is what I try to get at the beach, not a name.

And the all time WORST name of 2012 is…..

Lucifer (5) – I am horrified that 5 families felt that calling their child after the Devil was their best option.

What crazy ridiculous boy names have you heard of?

BabyBoyNames

If you liked the 2012 edition you will LOVE the 2013 Stupid Boy Name list – click here to read it!
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Comments

  1. Noelle says:

    I personally love Mister. After all, Mr. Mister, sang Take these broken wings… Which would appropriate for Lucifer.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I had to laugh there were 7 boys named Noelle last year, I wonder if they get called Nicole too.

  2. Oh my word – hahaha, those are crazy!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I can’t believe these, even after the crazy girl names I didn’t expect some of these.

  3. I barely can type this because I’m laughing so hard!!!! I love you!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Thanks! So are you saying your next child will NOT be named Law? Or how about Farah?

  4. Raini says:

    O MY! Like I always say you need a license to fish and drive NOT to have children! I was tortured in school because of my name to make it worse I went to school with a boy whose last name was Storm…. we were teased a lifetime we would marry!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I went to school with a girl named Raini – she was awesome – I am choosing to believe it’s the name. Kids suck.

    • GP says:

      Times have changed. I have an unusual name and was never teased… Private school too.

  5. Joy says:

    OMG, too funny! Lucifer IS an awesome name for an exotic pet though. ESPN? For realz? <– purposeful "Z" because I imagine if you name your kid ESPN you use "z" instead of "s" and say L8R Sk8r. And probably shouldn't be reproducing. Yet?
    BabyBoy, on a birth certificate. I have no words.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I would feel like I was calling the karma train if I named my kid Lucifer. I wouldn’t even name a fish Lucifer. And ESPN – those are initials! not to mention does the boy say Espn or ESPN like he is always shouting his name at you??

  6. Frank Zappa named his son Dweezil.

    Jason Leigh has a boy named Kal-el (Superman’s Birth Name).

    Gawd save us.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Thank god those kids have parents with money! But what about the run of the mill family that goes with Law or Roitt? How will these kids fare….not too well is my guess.

    • Arlene says:

      Didn’t frank Zappa also call a daughter moon or moonunit or something else mental like that?

      • theshitastrophy.com says:

        Yes! I think it was Moon – weirdos.

        • Nope it was Moonunit

          • theshitastrophy.com says:

            Ah yes, Moonunit – how could I forget! Zappa’s are fucked up.

          • I.M Pistoff says:

            Story goes that Frank Zappa gave his wife Gail two options for their soon-to-be-born daughter’s name: Machinehead or Moonunit. Zappa at least backed up his eccentricity with talent and more intelligence than many pretentious parents-to-be.

    • Janelle says:

      No, Jason Lee named his kid Pilot Inspektor (yes, with a K). Nicolas Cage named his son Kal-el because apparently he’s a ginormous Superman fan. Crazy. I work for the welfare office and see crazy names like these all the time. In fact, not long ago, I saw the name Famous, for a girl. Oh, and Tanqueray, and Alize. People are ridiculous!

      • theshitastrophy.com says:

        Tanqueray? Like the gin (although to be fair it is my favorite) but for your kid?! Horrible. Completely horrible. And Famous? WTF is that!

      • GP says:

        Alize. I know kids called Alice and Elize. What is wrong with that?

  7. Jhanis says:

    So Famous will then become Mr. Famous in the future. Well, I know there’s a guy named Batman Suparman out there so….

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Maybe Famous will marry Mister and then he can be Mister’s Famous. Who the hell names their kid Batman Suparman? Those parents should be ashamed of themselves. Horrible.

  8. Wow. Just wow. I get that some people want to be unique (and fail miserably). But I am truly horrified by how many people thought that “Riot” and “Price” were good names. Wow.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Someone suggested maybe Price was supposed to be Prince but they spelled it wrong. I am choosing illiteracy over an actual knowing choice. Sad anyway you look at it.

      • Carrot Mama says:

        I knew of a child name Angle because mother could not spell “angel” properly. Also a man named New Car. And who could forget the story of former Texas Governor, Jim Hogg, who had the audacity to name his only daughter “Ima”. No kidding. Adding insult to injury, he gave his three sons decent, traditional boy’s names.

        • theshitastrophy.com says:

          Oh My God! I never heard of the Governor’s daughter but how cruel. I just read it was in honor of his brother’s poem – but I don’t care, that is NOT ok. Wow.

        • GP says:

          Nasty!

      • GP says:

        I am under the impression that Price is a fairly standard, old fashioned name, perhaps just having a revival. Maybe it is more of an English thing.

  9. Tricia says:

    I have twin boys. During my pregnancy we didn’t want to share their chosen names and deal with potential derision – so we called the boys “Hunter” and “River.” Because our last name is Stream, and it amused me.

    Now, I blog about my little dudes. On my site, they are lovingly known as Search and Destroy (apt depictions of their characters) and amazes me how many readers have asked, “Are those their real names?” Now I understand.

    PS. Their names are none of the above.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Oh thank you so much for the PS cause I really didn’t want to believe anyone would name their kids Hunter and River with Stream as a last name! Sadly many people do go this way of funny names – someone put on my Facebook page they knew a boy in elementary school named Robeun Hood (or something like that). Wrong, so wrong.

  10. Sally says:

    oh good grief, Moo, Nimrod and Lucifer… hard to believe the boys names were worse than the girls. Thanks for posting 🙂

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I was a little surprised to be honest. I figured the girls were gonna be worse, that’s what I get for assuming….

  11. Jane says:

    At work I encountered someone named La-A (pronounced La-dash-a). OMG.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      you don’t pronounce punctuation! What is wrong with people?!!

    • Kiza Neal says:

      I heard a comic talk about that name once. She said ” That girl will never find her name on a keychain!” I mean La-a WTF!!! What’s next some stupid asshole naming their kid WTF???

      • theshitastrophy.com says:

        Oh I am sure some idiot named their kid WTF – stupid stupid people. That’s true though on the key chain. My name is spelt Alyson and I never found one, that chick has no chance.

  12. Stacia says:

    Ha!!!! Totally agree! Wanna here something funny though… I actually work with a guy named Mars. He’s Filipino but it’s not short for anything, that’s his name. Crazy huh. I’ve never heard that before!!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      So he’s the one! Maybe his parents like Mars bars??

  13. Rheneas says:

    Farah isn’t a girl’s name in some parts of the world. It’s a middle eastern (male) name.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I thought it may be, though wan’t completely sure. I can’t help but think if you are living in America shouldn’t you be aware that the name you are choosing for your child is associated with women and not men? This poor little boy will not get an easy hand having a name like Farah in the US. I guess he should be happy that Charlie’s Angels is long gone.

    • Kt says:

      Farah is the Arabic word for wedding and is a girls name in Egypt anyway!

      • Wow, poor kid – that’s even worse.

        • Ninu says:

          Actually, Farah means happiness or joy in Arabic. The Egyptian dialectical word for a wedding literally refers to a “happy” occasion. So it’s really a very good name. In Persian it means glory or fortune. Remember Farrah Fawcett?

  14. Leigh says:

    I’m here to admit my son’s name was “Baby Boy” for the first nine months of his life before we could legally change it. You see, in most states when a baby is born into the State’s custody, they immediately inherit the name “Baby” and the middle name becomes their sex. You could imagine my embarrassment when, “Prescription ready for Baby Boy” was announced over the intercom at Walgreens. So I use to tell the people who looked at me in disgust that my husband and I were big Dirty Dancing fans. 😉
    Fortunately our adoption only took nine months to process.

    So here’s to hoping that’s the reason this report shows so many “Baby” names…

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I am actually relieved to hear that this could be the answer to why there were so many BabyBoy names on the list. Truly mortifying if someone names their child this for any other reason. BTW I love Dirty Dancing too 🙂 Congrat’s on your adoption – I am hopeful you changed his name immediately!!

  15. Zach says:

    My mother tells me this story of when I was a little kid going in for a doctor’s appointment. While we were waiting, the nurse called in the next patient: “Mr. Balls? Mr. Balls? Mr. STONEY BALLS?”

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Oh.My.God. Anatomy names are never cool. I can only imagine Stoney grew up getting the shit beat out of him on a regular basis and is currently collecting disability payments because no place wants to hire someone named Stoney Balls. Unless he was in a porno, then I suppose his name is perfect.

  16. Anna says:

    Worst I’ve ever heard was Abcde pronounced ab-cy-dee.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Kindergarten must have felt like they were constantly calling this child’s name. Talk about a complex.

  17. Fuck Caillou and fuck everyone who names their kid Caillou. They burn in a special place in hell.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      This. This is why I love you.

  18. Tina says:

    My husband went to grade school with a Schwindle. This is what happens to you living in the suburbs of Philly.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Did he ride a Schwin bike? Was he part of a big swindle? I could do this all night! Poor kid, probably had a tough childhood.

  19. RaiznDaisies says:

    I have a younger brother with the last name Boughner (french, pronounced boof-ner). First day of middle school the nurse called him to the office over the intercom saying “Mr. boner please come in the nurses office.” Man it was bad lol (sadly making the gh silent, let alone the sentence all together) ill never forget it, his nickname was forever boner. Last names can be bad too! Lmbo

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Oh that’s so wrong! Poor kid, you would think she would double check the name! There is no living that down.

  20. Melanie M. says:

    I kid you not — I have a friend who is an OB nurse. She had to convince a girl that “Vagina” is not a beautiful girl’s name, its what the baby just came out of. Then she had another woman who couldn’t decide on her twin boys’ names. She ended up with “leh-MON-jalo” and “or-AHN-jalo.” Spelled, you guessed it — Lemonjello and Orangejello. For the love of all that is holy, people!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Did she end up naming the child Placentia – because I have heard of children named that, equally horrible. And Lemonjello and Orangejello are currently working the commissary in prison – because with names like that you have no chance.

      • Melanie M. says:

        Did you ever see the Oprah episode YEARS ago that she did on horrible names? She had a woman on named Florette Flower Boom. Shit. You. Not. (and she had about 5 guys named Harry Pitts too.)

        • theshitastrophy.com says:

          No! But Florette Flower Boom – oh dear lord that’s horrible!! And who names their kids Harry if their last name is Pitts? Not funny parents, Not funny!!

          • Marla says:

            I went to school with a girl named Cherry Pitts.I don’t think she had a brother,lol.

          • theshitastrophy.com says:

            Oh God that’s horrible! Her parents were total asshats. Poor thing.

  21. Tiffany says:

    My friend’s dad’s middle was Blthe, family name from what she said. Her daughter now has it as her middle. We agreed it was quite feminine.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I knew a Blythe growing up – she was beautiful, and most importantly a she.

  22. cellphonebarbie says:

    I grew up with a Wagon Wills. No shit. His parents thought he might be a politician when he grew up. Wth were they smoking? He’s actually now a mucky muck for a company called Glazing Saddles.. Aka Krispy Kreme. Lol go figure

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I can only imagine they were smoking something very strong to name him Wagon Wills. Maybe Krispy Kreme saw his potential with his name being what it is. Poor guy.

  23. Ok but wait, even conventional names are given to the wrong sex ie. Darryl, Glen, Cameron, Riley, Hayden, Sean, Taylor, Reece … all women and Kelly, Leslie, Carol, Dana, Abbey, Tracy, Stacey…all men, and they’re just the famous ones we know about. I’m sorry but names are just too fucked up. Can we please go back to John and Mary? For shit sake!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Seriously – I miss the names of times gone. Can we get a Brian and a Michael please?!

  24. Lala says:

    My son played with two brothers today named Walker and Rider. Cute names but for brothers seems a little contrived.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Were the parents fans of Talladega Nights? One of the boys was named Walker and I can see if they had a 3rd boy Rider would have been an obvious choice.

      • Melanie M. says:

        Our neighbors have 3 boys: Dakota, Denver and Dallas. One day I’ll have too much time and ask her if those are the locations of conception….

        • Melanie M. says:

          umm…WINE…apparently haven’t had enough yet…

          • theshitastrophy.com says:

            Maybe I should try that, the more I drink the more I will like the names!

        • theshitastrophy.com says:

          Ah yes the destination names – these creep me out a little seriously. And if I was a kid I think that info would be enough to send me into therapy, for life.

  25. Simply ridiculous……….. Kilo? ok for a radio station…..
    Seriously-Nimrod? Prince-Price misspelled? I haven’t seen any posts of the most ridiculous ever……..
    now I know Linus had a blanket…….wasn’t namesake……………What was MJ thinkin? Guess we will never know….. things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm………….

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I can not believe people named their kids this! If it wasn’t straight from the Social Security website I would swear the database was a farce.

  26. Rosemary says:

    There was a court case in Tennessee where a couple went to court (unmarried) because they couldn’t agree on the baby’s last name. The judge overturned the whole name. They were naming the boy “Messiah” and the judge said there was only one person who deserved that name and it was Jesus Christ. Go Judge! But, another Judge overturned it.
    And, I went to school with a guy whose last name was Crapp. At least his first name was normal, but…

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Messiah?! Wrong – the judge had no chance in having that upheld, but seriously there should be a court of common sense. And if my last name was Crapp – I would have changed that about 100 years ago. Why???

      • Melanie M. says:

        Reminds me of that Friends episode: Princess Consuela Bannanahammock and Crap Bag. 🙂

        • theshitastrophy.com says:

          I am sure someone did name their kid that.

  27. I read years ago about a girl who wanted to name the new baby, “Baby Jesus Jones”…she said she looked it up and Jesus was a very common name. I don’t think she quite understood about the whole pronunciation thing. Unfortunately, her husband didn’t like the name and it was causing problems.

    My best friend’s son went to school with Pimpin’ Playon (first and middle name). I think they were hoping he’d be a rapper.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I am putting my money on him being in jail vs. a rapper. But of course he could be a professional athlete with that name too – guess that’s the same things though.

  28. Janet says:

    I am in an online college degree program and in our “meet and greet” discussion a woman from atlanta revealed she has two sons, Xavier-13 and Javier-9. Aren’t they pronounced the same? all the names in the world and essentailly, you pick the same one.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I am surprised they weren’t twins..guess she really likes that avier sound! I hope you didn’t laugh too loud:)

    • lilkymama says:

      no, they are different but not by much.. x-av-ee-air and hav-ee-air

      • theshitastrophy.com says:

        My sisters are twins and I can say had their names been something so similar that they sounded the same they would be irate. To do that to two brothers, that are not even twins…not ok.

  29. Melanie says:

    Well…okay, I’m over thinking this, but wouldn’t one be “EX-ay-vur” and the other be “HA-vee-air?”

    • GP says:

      Some people pronounce the X in Xavier. I have known two and they were both pronounced “Zay-vee-er” which to me is sufficiently different from “Ha-vee-air,” although the similar spelling could be confusing.

  30. Jansaid says:

    Jason Lee has a son named Inspektor Pilot. Nicholas Cage has a son named KaLel.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Clearly they didn’t make their millions based on intelligence. Of course Nicholas Cage further showed that when he failed to pay taxes and lost millions in fines trying to pay it all back. Idiot squared.

      • Sherry says:

        David Duchovny’s son is named Kidd.

        • theshitastrophy.com says:

          Probably the only kid not getting made fun of for having such a dumb ass name – millions of dollars to your name has a way of evening it all out, but just a bit.

  31. Dawn says:

    Just a guess, but I think #5 is an intentional insult to the baby daddy!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      That could be the only reason it was chosen – but even then it’s a no.

  32. Heather says:

    My brother had a kid in his class named L-Dee. That was his legal name. Another friend of mine’s younger brother was named Chock. Both had sane mothers from middle class upbringing. Neither had family history meaning or something that might make it excusable. It was just plan weird.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Why would you do that to a child? Chock?! Like Chock full of goodness? Or Chock your tires? And L-Dee…no words.

  33. T M says:

    Unfortunately, one of the worst names I’ve personally experienced is “Cain” which in my mind is very close to something along the lines of Hitler or Lucifer. In her defense, the mom was young and dumb and thought it would be fun to say she was raising Cain. Her young, dumb, and illegal “fun” continues and she no longer has custody but the boy is fine. I call him by his initials which are “CAM”.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I can only hope everyone else calls him CAM too. Wow, poor kid. Good lesson….never name your kid something because it will be fun to say!

  34. Jack says:

    Whlist I agree the majority of the names are stupid you have got it wrong with Nimrod…did you look it up? Probably not! It is a popular Jewish name and used a lot in that race.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Jack – I really appreciate you giving my the benefit of the doubt on this one! But yes, I did look it up – and yes I did know it was a Jewish name, but this is America not Israel and if you name your child Nimrod in America your kid is gonna get his ass kicked. And for the record Jewish is not a race – it is a religion with ethnic tendencies…you can’t change races but you can change religion.

  35. missmomma9388 says:

    I have a Rogue and a Twilight. Then a Aidan. I only Named my sons. Rogue michael and Aidan Alexander. BUT I made the mistake of letting my ex name my daughter, poor sweetheart is Twilight Nightshade Flud. I need to see about changing it but I believe I need him to ok it too.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Twilight Nghtshade Flud? Oh my. I can only hope that this name has helped her in confidence and perseverance – maybe a future Doctor or Lawyer???

  36. Emily says:

    I knew a boy in grade school named Justin Time Jackson. One of my daughter’s friends is Krystal Blue Waters.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Oh the play on words name! Not ok people…NOT OK! Wow. Poor things. I guess if they drop the middle names it’s not as bad – though Krystal is still kinda up a creek (Ha!).

  37. Christa G says:

    I knew a blond hair, blue eyed girl named Lucrecia (a family name), and a boy Hunter Douglas. The boy’s name isn’t too unusual, unless you knew they copied the name of a ceiling fan company.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Ok thinking Lucrecia…maybe an Italian name or something? Was it shortened to Lucy maybe? But Hunter Douglas had me laughing at the hair salon…copied the name of a fan company! bahahaha!!!!

      • Christa G says:

        Nope, they tortured that girl with the full name. The mom loved it…however I couldn’t help but think of the word excrement every time I heard it.

        • theshitastrophy.com says:

          That is NOT ok at all. Poor kid, probably still has nightmares.

  38. Ashlee says:

    5.Dickson (6) – Any name with the word Dick in it should be an obvious no. <– AMEN TO THAT

    I can't believe 5 parents named their child Lucifer. Or that anyone would name their child Christ or Baby… That just makes Kim and Kanye's baby name choice look brilliant.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I have since learned that a lot of times Baby is for children given over to the state or for adoption – so they get a pass. As for Lucifer, no pass you are just an asshole.

  39. Al says:

    Talk about parents making bad decisions! As for #2 on the list, I worked in social services and saw this a lot. Not sure if this applies here, but in those situations it was ALMOST always children given to social services at birth and who were not given names by the parent/s. Social services couldn’t assign a first “real” name.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Yes, one woman messaged me this and told me the same thing, so sad – but hopefully they had a better life after.

  40. Angie says:

    My cousin named his son Battle. We were a bit surprised. Their first two children have normal names. Poor kid.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Oh No! Battle?! Like Battle Axe? Wow, I hope he was very peaceful instead. I am sure he gets pigeonholed a lot.

  41. Tamsyn says:

    I grew up with a few odd named classmates:

    1. A religious family named their children the following: Repent Or Burn Forever, Repent Of Your Sins, Messiah Is Coming, Messiah Saves Now, God’s Loving Kindness, and Praise The Lord. Needless to say, all of the children (grown up now) go by a variation of their full name and/or changed their name. Repent or Burn Forever was the only boy.
    2. A Asian boy in elementary with me was named Fuk Yu, so even when you saw his name listed last name first, it was mocked.
    3. My older sister was friends with a girl whose parents were high when they chose her name and they wrote it on the wall of their house: Kaypiopetraphyllisdiane. She was known as Petra in school but her birth certificate said Kaypiopetraphyllisdiane.

    I chose a couple of boys’ names that were not common, but not unusual: Gabriel and Raphael.

    P.S. I also think naming your child after fruit is weird.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      OH.My.God. This absolutely takes the cake!
      1) To name a child Repent or Burn Forever?! Repent your Sins! Holy crap that is just atrocious. I almost feel like someone should have stepped in and said nope, not allowing that choose again. And seriously how freaking crazy are the parents!
      2) This made me laugh…so apparently I am as mature as a grade schooler. And yes, either way – no chance.
      3) Drugs and baby naming on drugs is not ok (obviously). Poor thing, I can’t even pronounce that – every substitute teacher is probably still trying to figure it out.

      I love Gabriel…my son has a boy in his class goes by Gabe:) Raphael is not all that uncommon and sounds rather astute. I always found that when naming my kids I put Aunt and Uncle in front of it. If it sounded normal it passed the test.

      • Tamsyn says:

        1. If you google Repent or Burn Forever and his siblings, you will find the court documents where the parents fought to have God’s Loving Kindness registered with that name. They won the case, but why the other names weren’t contested as well makes me give my head a shake. Repent or Burn Forever went by Rob with his friends and Repent of Your Sins is Sindy now, Messiah Is Coming is Mashiah and I think Messiah Saves Now goes by Hosannah. God’s Loving Kindness is just Kindness these days and Praise the Lord, simply Praise. I can’t imagine how hard it was growing up with those names and I totally agree the parents were nuts for their choices!
        2. You aren’t alone. LOL.
        3. They pronounced it “KAY-Pee-o-PET-ra-FILL-is-DI-an” as though it were multiple names strung together.
        I like my kids’ names, too. I just wish there were more ornaments/bicycle plates/decorations with Raphael. I have gotten creative on occasion and altered Rachel or gotten blank versions and written his name on them. 🙂 I like the tip about Aunt/Uncle. I will keep that in mind if I ever have another.

        • theshitastrophy.com says:

          Well at least they found a way to make their names ok – Rob and Sindy…the others are still a little eye raising in their abbreviated version. The parents are still complete idiots for naming their kids that though. Talk about persevering over the ridiculous. I still can’t even pronounce that name with the phonetics there – I hope her last name is like Wu or something because if not she must have a hell of a time signing her name on legal documents!

          • cbmiddleton says:

            “Sindy” seems like a stage name for a stripper! In other news, I just discovered your blog and I LOVE IT. You are hilarious!

  42. andy says:

    My nephew named his son Mayhem!! I hope he lives up to his name as revenge!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Mayhem? What in the world are people thinking! This poor kid – I can only hope someone punched your nephew for doing that to a sweet little child.

      • Sherry says:

        The little girl who is trending on the interwebs these days for making clothes out of paper is also named Mayhem.

        • theshitastrophy.com says:

          Hmmm paper clothes…well unless it rains I suppose it could work, what doesn’t – is that name.

  43. Lady Em says:

    My high school dropout sister and her baby daddy (also a dropout) named their baby Charlie Madrox. Granted, Charlie can be a fine name. However, my kids have had a cat named Charlie for six years prior to this baby being born so I kind of feel like I’m talking to my cat. As for his middle name, Madrox… Honestly, you already feel sorry for a kid when both his parents are dropouts who work at McDonald’s so why make things worse?

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      My good friend’s name is Molly and when we met she said yes, they named me the same as a dog. I hear McD’s is a fantastic place to work;)

  44. Um, as I am now pregnant with my third…I’m scared. I just don’t think I’ll be able to invite a Lucifer over for a birthday party.

    Hells no.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Probably a good call on the bday invite – I hear he is a little devil. Congrat’s on the baby though:)!!!!

  45. I seriously thought Nimrod was the worst until I read Lucifer. What’s wrong with people?

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      America – proving once again we are full of idiots.

  46. Mommy says:

    We are friends with a guy named Forrest Stump

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Please tell me he changed his name to this?! His parents can’t have been that cruel…could they? I can only pray his sense of humor is top notch.

  47. Tamsyn says:

    I totally forgot about Rustin Cox aka Rusty Cox. He was MC at my friend’s wedding.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Please tell me it was his stage name – and yet it is still bad. Nothing screams tetna shot than a Rusty Cox. Ew.

  48. AmyLee says:

    When I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband’s grandmother wanted us to name her Lindsey. Our last name is Lindsay. I shit you not, she was serious. She wanted us to name her Lindsey Lindsay.

    She lost that war.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Thank God! There is a doctor in town where I live that’s last name is Doctor so he is Dr. Doctor. Your child would have not been happy had grandma won that war.

    • Christine Johnson says:

      I know a Miranda Miranda. Her mother clearly explained to me that that last name was not pronounced like the first name, it was pronounced “Miraunda”. Ohh…ok…much better! LOL

      • I can only hope you stared at that mother with a complete blank face and responded, Good luck with that you moron.

  49. Lucifer? Holy crap! We always thought that Bisquick might be good, probably for a bot. Unfortunately (or more likely fortunately) we didn’t think of it until all of ours were safely out of the birth canal.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I am sure your children thank you for not going with Bisquick…though it does make fantastic drop biscuits.

  50. Amy says:

    OMG this all made me laugh. I cannot believe how absurd these people are. WTF are they thinking.
    I work in an inner city elementary school and I have heard some crazy names but this least beats ’em all hands down.
    I work primarily with 3-5 year olds and it is really flipping hard to explain/teach phonetics and spelling when we teach them to write their own names and for example:
    Travon, needs an apostrophe as it is pronounced TravEon
    Ny’jheir has an apostrophe that is meaningless, but he’s damn happy to have it. It is a medal of honor to him
    Same with Ja’Brea – it is pronounced just like it looks. Mom stuff the apostrophe.

    The spelling and phonetics and punctuation are absurd.

    I will admit to a problem in my extended family. My mother’s last name, and I shit you not, is Queer. And one of my cousin’s on that side has had a lifelong nickname of Butch or Butchie. Good thing he is a big tough guy.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I am pretty sure that all apostrophes should be outlawed. And to have a last name of Queer…that had to be tough growing up with. I have no doubt that Butch became butch to fight off the taunts that went with that name. Wow.

  51. Rachel says:

    Briilliiee – what is with the bogan names with too many vowels in them? If you give your kids name a hundred extra vowels you seriously have to expect people to laugh.
    Alucard – my cousin named her kid that. I seriously wish I was kidding. (Read it backwards).

    • Rachel says:

      Just to be clear a ‘bogan’ in my previous comment is the Australian term for “Hill- billy”? Just realised this is an American site.

    • Dear lord that is NOT ok! I hope he grows up and changes it to something inane like Bob.

    • Christine Johnson says:

      We have one of those, too!! Who knew there’d be more than 1!!! LOL

    • Christine Johnson says:

      I’m referring to the name Alucard. I’ve seen that one here, too!

  52. Christine Johnson says:

    OMG….I could write a book as well. I work with the public and I’ve personally seen some crazy names, not the made up urban legend names like Lemonjello and Orangejello, these are real, seen them with my own eyes on a birth certificate names. For example, Ya-hyness, Jihad, Furious, Astonish, Aunisty (Honesty)….that’s the tip o’ the iceberg!!

    • I saw Jihad on the list this year too, actually crowned it the worst alongside of Lucifer…because well the Devil is not something you name your kid. But Ya-Hyness has zero chance of being royalty, but will be someone’s king in jail no doubt.

  53. Dani says:

    I grew up with a guy named Shannon and his brother Ashley.. Yeah, I’m figuring their parents wanted girls… Also my cousin, born at the height of a short lived fan favorite , official first name is Peewee.. Sadly, we can imagine what hell he had growing up.

    • WHAT someone named their kid PEEWEE! How, why, huh? Were they high? Poor poor kid, that whole whacking off in the movie theater thing must have been hard on him. (oh yes I did).

  54. Christine Johnson says:

    Some recent boy names I’ve witnessed: Jihad, Alucard (Dracula backwards), Sir Julius. Urheyness (Your Highness).
    Just lovely.

    • Dracula killed people and drank blood – how is that something you want your child to be equated with? Urheyness? What in the world? I fear for this country.

  55. JULIEinDSM says:

    My husband works with vendors from IBM and there is a fellow who’s first name is Israel. Not necessarily a bad name, until you consider his last name is Gross. The first time he called, my husband almost laughed and hung up thinking it was a crank call at his work. Thankfully he was told Mr. Gross would be calling.

    • I knew a kid named Andy Gross. I don’t think anything goes well with that last name:/

  56. candy says:

    Haha, a lot of these names are illegal (for damn good reason) in some countries. My partner knows a family who called their kids Roxy Corvette and Johnny Orange… There was another name in that clan that was just as bad, but I forget now.
    My kids are Amadeus charles (it gets mixed reactions- some love it instantly and others look at me like… are you kidding?) and Aurora grace- both their middle names are family names.

    • Ok Amadeus reminds me of that song – rock me Amadeus. So anything that reminds me of a song is not so bad. Aurora is a Disney princess right? I don’t think I would name my kids Roxy Corvette though…that one might just be too much.

  57. Jmee says:

    I love it when I find a blog I can laugh out loud to. I always wonder where people are in the head when they choose names for their children. I can’t say much though because I gave my two girls nature names, and my boy…well… accidentally gave him a sexual-sounding name (OOPS!!). I recently met a child named Maybe. Hmmm… Gotta love those kids, though. It’s not their fault!!

  58. Robbi Levesque says:

    I know someone who named their first child (a boy) Diamond Darnell, and her only daughter Mary Jane. Which is hilarious when you factor in that Both were the results of an external affair with her pot dealer, who at the same time he was sleeping with her had the audacity to still make her husband pay for her pot!!!! I could be wrong for finding that as funny as I do I suppose……..

    • She named her kids Mary Jane and Diamond Darnell?! Wow that is just wrong, but I suppose no worse than sleeping with your dealer when you are married. I suppose it’s a draw, but a funny one yes.

  59. anonymous says:

    Mars was the name of a god, and the planet was named after them. It’s not that bad a name. Though a god for a name might not be the best.

  60. Seyfina says:

    Some people just don’t think when they name these kids; remember, you’re setting them up for a lifetime of difficulty if you give them a weird name.

Trackbacks

  1. […] you would like to read the 2012 Worst Boy Baby names, click here – and see how many are repeat offenders…because sadly there are a […]

  2. […] girl list be sure to check out the boy list! I actually think that one is worse!! You can read it here. […]

  3. […] you want to read the previous year’s Stupid Baby Boy Name List click here: Stupid Boys Names 2012 and […]