Top Stupid Boy Names of 2013

The name you select for your child is one of the most important first decisions you can make as a parent. Their name will define him/her and will help open life’s doors, or slam them in their face. Your child will carry this name for at least the next 18 years of their lives, and hopefully their entire life. Unless you are an idiot and name your kid something stupid leaving them no choice but to change it at the first possible moment they can.

After reviewing the 2013 Social Security data of 1.9 Million baby boy names that were bestowed upon children I have recognized a few categories of names that should be avoided. For ease of reading I put the name and then in parenthesis how many people named their kid this – because you won’t believe this until you see it. These are just some of the names in these categories, I selected my favorite.

  1. Professional Names: Baker (66), Poet (5), Sheriff (7), Carpenter (5) – these are jobs not names, do not name your child Pilot (7) even if you are a Hollywood actor.
  2. Ancient Civilization Names: Achilles (141), Archimedes (8), Helios (20), Prometheus (7), Spartacus (5) – These were some powerhouse people in Greek history, but do not name your child after a half naked statue somewhere.
  3. Money Names:  Cache (42), Cashe (5), Kash (718), Million (9), Trillion (5) – Are you freaking kidding me?! You are naming your child after MONEY?! You know what your kid is not going to have? Any money because no one is hiring someone named Damoney (7).
  4. Location Names: Brazil (7), Scotland (8), Tokyo (5) – This poor kid is gonna have a lot of confusion when they are studying geography in school and don’t even think about taking him to an airport! Now Boarding Montreal (15) at Gate A7.
  5. Religious Names: Lord (8), Gospel (5), Pray (6), Savior (22), Parish (10) Psalms (7) – We get it, you are devout in your beliefs…I sure hope your child follows in your belief, chances are they won’t just because you named them Prophet (6).
  6. Pet Names: Doc (11), Hershey (37), Lucky (33), Wrigley (25), Barkley (7) – I think most people know there is a certain sect of names that are reserved just for the family dog or cat, do not name your child after an animal.
  7. Nature Names: Deep (6), Cove (27), Boulder (5), Granite (7), Moon (5), Moss (10), Sun (6), Woods (7), Tin (11) – These are things, not your child. Do not do this to your son because when they are 10 and getting tormented because someone thought Oak (10) was a mighty name they will disagree with you.
  8. Royalty Names: Czar (16), Lancelot (6), Royale (20), Khiing (7), Majestic (9), Castle (12) – First could you try to spell the damn word correct? Because I can guarantee poor Kiing (7) will be spelling his name for the rest of his life, and unless your kid is true Royalty (10) do not name him it. And just no to King David (12), King James (12), and My King (16).
  9. Cars: Audi (6), Avis (6), Benz (5), Lexus (6), Jaguar (6) – Your child is not a vehicle, do not name him after one even if you think Bently (229) or Bentlee (401), or Bentley (5344) is an acceptable name, it’s not.
  10. Weapon Names: Who doesn’t love the Second Amendment? But don’t name your kid Pistol (9), Remmington (19), Shooter (25), or Warrior (6) even if you are a card carrying NRA member.
  11. Military Names: This is a position that is earned, not named. Please keep Captain (23), Major (849), and Ranger (48) for our soldiers. Oh, and Navy (13) is a color and a division of the Armed Forces, not a name.
  12. Old School Names: There are a lot of names that are passed down through families, and I understand the importance of maintaining traditions. But can you think of your sweet little son before naming him Gatsby (5), Orville (13), Stonewall (7), Windsor (6), Prentice (13), Thurston (24), Woodrow (33), or Rembrandt (10). Do you really want to be calling out Where’s Waldo (5) in a crowded place?

But sadly these are not the worst in my humble opinion. Nope here are my 20 WORST Boy Names of 2013:

  1. Anass (5)- This may be a Dutch footballer but in America it spells An-Ass and you do not want to name your child an ass, because people are pretty much gonna think YOU are an ass; and while we are at it Harshit (7) sounds like horse shit…so that is a no too.
  2. Brown (6) – This is a color, not a name as is Teal (8) and Red (5) by the way.
  3. Caillou (8) – Who the hell would name their child after the whiney bald little shit from PBS? An idiot that’s who.
  4. Chaos (9) – For the rest of your life I am gonna go out on a Bridge (6) here and say you will be giving up a whole lotta minutes to teachers, parents, and authorities for little Chaos. Hope you have a lawyer in the family.
  5. Eh (33) – This is an interjection when talking, you know what it is not?? A Name.
  6. Elmo (5) – What the hell is the deal with the PBS TV Show characters? A red furry puppet is not an acceptable name for your kid.
  7. Gin (5) – This is a liquor, and for the record one of my favorites, but it is not a name for a human being.
  8. Hannibel (8) – Hello Silence of the Lambs? Anything related to this movie is a NOOOO for naming your kid.
  9. Huck (54) – If your child’s name rhyme’s with Fuck it should be a no brainer that you would NOT name them this.
  10. Mann (5) – This is a misspelling of what your kid will be when they change their name to something normal.
  11. Papa (10) – This has to be confusing around the house, but at least when they have their own children Papa will finally make sense to them.
  12. Rage (7) – This is what this list of idiotic names is giving me. It is an emotion, not a name.
  13. Saw (20) – Seriously? As in I saw an idiot who called their child a name that was completely ridiculous.
  14. Story (6) – Your kid is gonna come up with one hell of a story to try to explain why in the world you would name them this.
  15. Polo (10) – Please do not take this kid to any community pool during the summer, he is going to be one very confused little guy.
  16. Striker (6) – You realize you will be constantly questioning if your little Striker was the actual striker at the playground.
  17. Yanky (13) – Nothing says I am an asshole than naming your child a derogatory word, or you can go with the Urban Dictionary definition – American wind sack, worst type of Human on the planet, lives with head inserted completely up his own rectum, all very stupid people. Or even better – the Long (26) Duck Dong version of no more yanky my wanky. Either way your kid is going to hate you, and I already do.
  18. Yale (7) – Even if you graduated from Yale you should not name your child this, and I am going to Reason (5) that these parents did not.

But my TOP TWO most IDIOTIC names are….Jihad (34) and Lucifer (8). There are no words that can explain to me why you would equate a sweet innocent child with the Devil or a struggle that often times is synonymous in the United States with Islamic extremists that have perpetrated idealogical crimes on innocent individuals.

I can only garner a guess at the thoughts that went through the nurse’s minds when the parents signed off on these names for the birth certificate.

Wait until you see the Girls list! Click here!

If you would like to read the 2012 Worst Boy Baby names, click here – and see how many are repeat offenders…because sadly there are a few. 




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  1. Tina says:

    My kids go to school with a Remyngton. She’s in a primary Montessori program. Poor thing. No one will ever spell her name right.

    • says:

      YES what is the deal with spelling names weird too? Kiing or Khiing?! And why would you name a girl after a rifle and then spell it wrong on top of that and send her to Montessori (my kids go to Montessori BTW not the most gun toting crowd).

      • Matt says:

        Perhaps some places have already adopted internet naming rules. “I’m sorry, King is already taken, but we can give you Khiing or King_45.”

  2. Harshit. Whoa that’s bad! And Hannibel??? What are people thinking, my gosh I’m scared for our country.

    • says:

      It really is a sign of how low things have fallen when you name your child Jihad or Lucifer, and sadly in 2012 only 5 went with Lucifer and 2013 it is up to 8….not a good trend.

      • Kristen says:

        Some of these had or have other meanings and in a few cases may be family names (redneck family names) although hopefully not Lucifer

        • Yes I have had a few people say that the names are biblical, however I always think it is wise to not name your child something that only maybe 5% of people will get the meaning of.

          • Jessica Stein says:

            We’re naming our son Lucifer. It’s a wonderful name, meaning “bringer of light”. Not everyone is hung up on the character of biblical fame- it certainly didn’t factor in to our decision as we don’t put stock in fairy tales.

          • Good luck with that, bc even if you don’t put stock in fairy tales the majority of the world sees Lucifer as the name associated with the devil.

    • Sofia says:

      Harshit is actually a North Indian name (don’t know which language — it sounds Punjabi) which means “happiness” or “joyful”. The parents probably didn’t associate it with “shit” at the time, although I reckon they will soon.

  3. This is great. I’ve often wondered where some parents heads were when they chose their kid’s name.
    Two of my favorites (and these two lived in my hometown): Dick Ball and his sister, Ada Ball. You can’t make it up!

    • says:

      What in the world?! Dick and Ada Ball…those poor poor children.

      • Dani says:

        That reminded me of an old Army buddy… His name was Brian Sacrider.. He named his twin daughters Ima and Ura… We still laugh at the look on our first Sergeant face when Brian announced their names in front of the platoon

    • Amy says:

      My music teacher growing up Married another teacher whose last name was Homo. Her first name was Ima. They named their daughters Kura and Melika. Who does that?!

  4. “Harshit (7) sounds like horse shit” I JUST SPIT MY DRINK OUT!!! WTF?!

    • says:

      Could you imagine being a teacher and having Anass and Harshit in your class? I wouldn’t be able to call on them all year long. (BTW someone named their kid Long too).

  5. So what I hear you saying is I should NOT name this baby Clitoris when he arrives in November?

    • says:

      If you were having a girl I would totally endorse Clitoris…Clit for short, but not a boy.

    • Kristen says:

      Placenta is another no-go for a name!

      • says:

        Yes, anatomical names are NEVER a good idea! I am doing the girl list for next week…fingers crossed it’s not on there. I won’t hold my breathe though bc I will probably die.

    • jcnspots says:

      There was a little girl in a friend’s son’s first grade class with the “name” Clitoris. Poor girl.

  6. I actually don’t hate Chaos & Rage. Maybe if we have twins one day…

    My wife will be naming our children, by the way. We agreed to that a long time ago.

    • says:

      Thank god your wife will be the voice of Reason….

  7. These names are honestly making me angry. Except Chaos. I kind of like that one. [Ducks]

    • says:

      Chaos at least tells you like it is – your life will be one big ball of chaotic mess for the next 18 years so there is that.

  8. OMG. I am laughing so hard! These parents are idiots and their poor children…uuggh, I hate to think what will happen to them. Please can we go back to old school names like Stanley, Eugene, and Rodney? Oh wait, scratch that, those were bad too.

    • says:

      How about the disciples? I can’t tell you how many Mark, John, Paul there was in my school growing up but at least they are normal and don’t rhyme with curse words!

      • Let’s hope Polo doesn’t end up with a friend named Marco. That would be a rough time for them!

        • says:

          I was on my daughters class trip when I read your response and might have laughed more than was acceptable at that moment!

  9. LOVED this piece. Sharing it! A friend of mine is a prosecutor who goes after deadbeat dads. She had two kids she represented named Lemonjello and Orangejello (pronounced French — lem-ON-zhillo). Who does that???

    • Jenn says:

      No way! My mother-in-law was a reading teacher, and she had two kids named Lemonjello and Orangejello! (and word is, momma named them after the food she was served after giving birth).

      • says:

        Well to be fair Lemon and Orange Jello are fantastic (not) so I can see why she would pick those for her kids names.

      • It must have caught on. LOL. These twins were in Michigan!

        • says:

          Why does that not surprise me?

        • Kelly says:

          OMG!!! I was going to add these two to the list. My husband saw this mother while doing a rotation in MI. He LOVES to tell people their names. Small world! Btw, fantastic list…we havent decided on a name for our little boy coming next month. We shall take these names under advisement. Ha!!

  10. Naming a kid Rage sounds like a self-fulling prophecy, Eh? 🙂

  11. Alexis says:

    I know of two boys named Maverick and a girl named Atlantis. Ugh!

    • says:

      I know a little Maverick and seriously the name fits him to a T! But Atlantis…should stay lost like the city.

  12. On the nature names, I think River is totally acceptable, because hello, River Phoenix.
    Oh wait, that one didn’t turn out so well.

    • says:

      I did love me some River Phoenix…but yeah he had a tough ending. If you are totally smoking hot you can pull off the nature names – if not that is a tough sell.

  13. RIVER! Natalie, I love that name too, but I think it’s cool(er) for a girl. All the other names on here can suck it cuz they’re majorly weird. There’s a kid in my son’s class named shashwat. It sounds JUST like sasquatch. Poor kid. I believe he’s Indian, so it may be a popular name in his culture, but I feel bad for him because it sounds like a funny word.

    • says:

      Nature names for girls are way cooler, for boys…not so much. My daughter had a kid in her class named Acorn. WTF is that? I couldn’t even say it it was so weird. Who names their kid Acorn?

  14. As a teacher, I would like to give a resounding AMEN! to the idea that people stop using “creative” spelling for their kids’ names. Just knock it off. It’s not clever. It’s fucking annoying–for the kid who has to spell their name to every person who writes their name and to everyone who ever has to remember to spell their name “creatively.” Just stop it.

    • says:

      OMG Yes! The creative spellings are insane! Just spell the name Collin it is not Kolyn, Kolin, Kollin, Colyn, Collen…drives me crazy. That kid wants a license plate with his name on it too! (BTW My name is Alyson and so there is like 5 different spellings for it and my way is never anywhere, but it is the Gaelic version so there’s that).

    • Dani says:

      I have unfortunately learned the hard way.. Never spell your child’s normal name in a unique way…. It just becomes a headache… My daughter is Hailie. Unfortunately my son ended up with a normal name spelled weird as well.. Haydn.. But he is a 4th generation of that name so it was out of my hands…

      • Mine is Alyson, which isn’t all that weird but you will never find a pencil with that on it. I feel your daughter’s pain. I have seen Haydn before though.

  15. Sarah says:

    This was effing hilarious! My husband and I both taught ages, and we’ve seen our share of some crazy ass names. My favorites are Ouzae (Isaiah) and the brother named Notorious and Tenacious. Tenacious does kind of have a ring to it, though, doesn’t it?

    • says:

      Uh yeah if you hadn’t put Isaiah in parentheses I would have never been able to even pronounce that! Tenacious and Notorious…what in the world? How about just plain old Scott? Is there a Pete or Bob anywhere anymore?

  16. I just… I cannot. The whole time I kept selecting something terrible to comment on but now we’ve come to the end and I’m just standing here open mouthed and horrified. Not unlike the time I drove up to a derailed train. Yes, this feels just like that.

    • says:

      That would be the perfect way to put it – open mouthed and horrified.

  17. Katie says:

    This cracked me up! I can’t believe parents would give their children such horrible names as Lucifer or Jihad! The names my brother gave his sons should be on this list too.

    • says:

      Uh…yeah I am gonna need those names please.

  18. I want to meet a Spartacus so I can repeatedly ask “What’s your name?” just to hear him say “I’m Spartacus!”, poor sod.

  19. I thought Caillou was bad until I for down to Yanky!! Seriously?? People actually named their kids these things?? Unbelievable – and poo, poor kids.

  20. Audrey says:

    HILARIOUS! This is what happens when we have 9 months to decide on a name. You have to wonder what crosses peoples minds. I went to school with two brothers named Primo and Secondo (first and second) Ingenious, no? And what’s with the parents who rhyme first names with last? I’ve met a few of those too!

  21. The whole list is just bad but yes, Jihad and Lucifer…….no. Assholes.

    • says:

      That one word sums it up perfect – Assholes.

      • cheryl says:

        My sister is a teacher and one year she had a student in her class named Asshole, it was pronounced Ah Show Lee (I forget what ethnic background this child was but I know she want born in the US didn’t make her name any less unfortunate)

        • says:

          I am pretty sure that there is some sort of code of principals that should be instated that says, “In the case of a foreign student being named an American curse word you are here by deemed John or Jane for the entire school year.” If there isn’t there should be. Wow, poor kid.

          • Dana S says:

            I once heard of a little girl named as whole (ash hoe lay) on purpose and her mother said it wasn’t anybodies effing business what she names her kid…I just wondered if she was naming her after her father…

          • Her mother sounds like an asshole that’s for sure.

  22. Lisa Holt says:

    I’ve recently seen Abcde (pronounced ab-sa-dee) more than once even.

    • says:

      Kindergarten has to be a real bitch for those kids.

  23. Sue says:

    My aunt was a teacher. She had a child named Sy-phyllis. And one named La-a ( La dash a). Poor kids

    • says:

      How do you even explain to your kid that they are named after a STD? What in the world??? And dash is a punctuation…not part of a name unless his name is Dash.

      • Niki says:

        And Dash is still unacceptable

  24. Noelle says:

    I think my favorite is Eh. ” What is your name?” “Eh” as they shrug their shoulders. A personal name issue I have is days of the week names. It confuses me. Wednesday, Sunday, Anyway…
    This is some funny stuff right here.

    • says:

      Wait till you see the girls list then…

  25. Jillian says:

    Those are pretty rough! I do know a boy named Salem, I did ask his mum why and she said because she liked witches…… Uh riiiiight ok then, would you like therapy as a shower gift?

    • says:

      Seriously I like Snickers bars…that doesn’t mean I name my kid after them!

  26. This was awesome! Please, PLEASE tell me you added Caillou to the list just for shits and grins, and NOT because you know of someone who dared to give that name to their child.

    This post should be among the handouts that the head maternity nurse gives to new moms, you know, along with the birth certificate and vaccination info…

    • says:

      Luckily I do not know of any person who named their kid Caillou, but if I did I would have to stop talking to them immediately. Even if it was a family member.

  27. Kari says:

    Actually, Hannibal Lecter wasn’t the guy who kidnapped girls and wore their skin. That was Buffalo Bill. Hannibal was the guy Jodie Foster interviewed to see if he could help her find the kidnapper before he killed his latest victim. Hannibal who murdered people and ate them (sometimes with fava beans and a nice Chianti.)
    I realize that’s probably not much better but at least he was knew how to properly pair wines with his dinner. That’s classy, right?

    • says:

      It is always important to know what a good red or white wine goes with. I have blocked out most of that movie…the nightmares it caused was enough to rule out me ever liking Anthony Hopkins in any other film.

  28. Mel says:

    AAAccctually Hannibel did not rape and torture and murder women, eventually cutting off their skin to wear as a creepy woman suit. That was Buffalo Bill, in the movie. Hannibel murdered people that were rude, and annoyed him and ate them. He had his own set of rules that he abided by, and was extremely intelligent. I wouldn’t recommend naming a child after him, of course, but just to set the record straight, he didn’t kidnap/murder/torture women.

    • says:

      Yes…I was informed already – but I am keeping it because well Hannibel to me reminds me of the woman suit and he is a freak.

  29. Some people should have kids. Sadly, others should not. Among those are people who can’t think ten years down the road and see their poor child teased and bullied because his or her parents had to be different. Unique – in these situations – doesn’t say, ‘hey, baby boy, I love you and want the best for you.’ It says, ‘You’re going to pay for all morning sickness and stretch marks.’

    • says:

      I couldn’t agree more, I feel bad for these kids when they get older because these names are going to hamper their options in life beyond just the grade school playground (where they will either be the bully or are bullied).

  30. I had a friend who worked in the maternity ward at a hospital in the inner city, and told me there were twins who were given the names Pennis and Vageena. I kid you not.

    • says:

      Oh Holy Shit! That is horrendous – how can someone do that? You can’t even shorten that to something less disturbing because Vag is still really really bad.

  31. Maggie B says:

    What about those who really want to be unique and name their kid as such… i.e. Youniq, Uniek, U-Niq… Kid you not, I work on a maternity unit. The apostrophe names kill me too… D’Angelo, K’Tina, Dest’ne… Seriously?!

    • says:

      I am compiling the girls list right now and there is no shortage of Unique, Yunique on the list. It will be up on Thursday – I am sure you can relate to the ridiculousness.

  32. Ollie says:

    What about the idiot guy that named his sisters kids da’niece and da’nephew

    • says:

      Just being efficient now he never has to say – this is my Niece Sarah and my Nephew James. What an ass.

  33. Dean says:

    Hey so I got this friend. She named her SON Blade Richter. I seriously had to do a facepalm

  34. Desiree says:

    A neighbor of mine is a nurse and recently had a patient named Shithead (shi-theed) and a friends son goes to school with a boy named Maximum Chaos. That is just asking for it!

    • That poor little baby is going to have to go through life with that name. Atrocious, the mother should be forced to change her name to asshole.

  35. Tracy J says:

    Well now I feel dull after naming my boys Brian and Richard… lol! They do have some unusual-named friends in their classes though!

  36. April says:

    I agree with everything EXCEPT the name Hannibal. Not because it isn’t a terrible name that you should never name your child, but because in the movie Hannibal was the doctor who was a serial killing cannibal who was in the mental hospital and helped find the killer, Buffalo Bill- or Jamie Gumm…

    • Yup! You aren’t the first to point that out – but the name just brings me visions of Silence of the Lambs, not the most endearing thought for a kid:(

  37. Anne says:

    I have two to add to this list. One from my husband’s job at a bank. L-ae. Pronounced Ledasha. “The dash ain’t be silent.”

    Then, my mom, who is a special ed teacher in the Chicago public schools has had at least two students named Female, pronounced like tamale, but with an F. The mothers thought the hospital named their baby for them. She also had one Baby Girl, same reason.

  38. amberlyn says:

    I have friend who is a teacher. His favorite….demonsarus

  39. sue says:

    I have a very close friend who has two kids. His daughter her name is jetta and his son is named arson. That is all I have to say about it

    • I had a Jetta – the wheel fell off while I was driving it, I shit you not. As for Arson I hope he doesn’t end up in jail, cause then they would just pigeon hole him.

  40. Diane E says:

    OMG. This is hilarious!!! What about “Precious” and “Treasure”….seriously? They are neither. lol

  41. Roxy says:

    Don’t forget Fisher & Messiah. Yup Some parents are just plain mean & stupid.

  42. MB says:

    I know a lady that named her boy Hero. Yup, Hero.

  43. Nancy says:

    My BFFs stepson is named Cutter. I’m assuming it’s supposed to come from Cutter and Buck but
    whatever, it is awful. His brother’s name is Yale.

  44. Erica says:

    Seriously, there are a Prince and Princess at my kid’s school and my brother named his kids Boston and Dallas. I love them dearly but it drives me nuts. And let’s not forget the infamous La-A (ladasha)….have you heard that one?? I have a friend that decorates cakes and some of the names (and spellings)…..would make your head spin.

    • I know a few kids named after places, it can be ok but as an adult I am not sure I would like to go by Boston. I also would screw up a lot of birthday cakes!

  45. Tabitha says:

    Met a Stallion once. I made him show me his license because I thought he was using it as a lame pick up. He ended up with a friend, and apparently he was not deserving of the name. Haha.

    • OH SHIT! That’s hysterical – probably not for the friend though! Maybe he should go by Pony instead?

  46. Tanya says:

    As a teacher u see all kinds of odd names but some of my favorites were a boy named Strawberry, one named Race Car….. and lastly Wedo (pronounced widow). I feel if u got a weird name u wanna use…get a puppy!!!!

  47. Courtney Parks says:

    I k ow a little girl named Remmington, but she goes by Remi. And my son would probably be on this list. His name is Kable. But this was hilarious and I love it!

    • Remi is super adorable, why didn’t they just call her Remi in the first place vs. name her after a weapon? At least it isn’t Uzi so that’s something.

  48. carol says:

    Can’t remember the spelling for sure, but at our school there was Jzhowscyiah Jzhoewvahnniey. It’s as if the parents wanted every alphabet letter than could possibly be represented in their name. The kids went by JJ. There is no way this kid is going to learn to spell his own name.

    • I can’t even say that – JJ works for me. Let’s hope he doesn’t play a sport cause that is not fitting on a jersey.

  49. Sara says:

    I work in the ghetto. Two worst names ever… Liam- short for William. Pronounced “yum”. And prynsobama.

    • YUM? I can’t even imagine how many times he gets Liam instead, for his sake I hope he goes with Liam. I have no idea how to even pronounce that other one though!

  50. Barbara Harms says:

    I have twin cousins named Brenda and Renda. That’s just not right. You know when momma calls they both come running.

  51. MaeBee's Mom says:

    Where is your girls names rant??? There must be one and I must laugh at it!!

    A fellow twin mom recently named we twin girls Lena and Anel. Pronounced AH-nel, BUT HOW DO YOU NOT SEE IT. Also, shitty name aside, it is against all humanity to name your twins with palindromes.

  52. Melissa E. says:

    Crap. My son’s name made the list. But in my defense, he’s named after Johnny Cash……I just substituted the C with a K.

  53. Jes says:

    I worked at an elementary school with a sweet
    Little 5 year named Furious Guy. Hope he doesn’t live up to the name.

  54. I feel so much better about the time hubs wanted to name our son Elvis Aaron..I vetoed that one, we settled on Joey Ramone

  55. Deb says:

    I knew a man whose first name was Cadillac and his middle name was Pontiac; and another (who was around 6’2″ and 200+ lbs) named Baby Boy. I had a customer once named Brian. But he spelled it Brain. I’ve been collecting unusual names for years, compiled mostly from Obituaries and other announcements in the paper.

    • Oh that is gotta be a list. The ones I search annually are names that have to occur at least 5 times, so I am sure there are lots of HUH? in the 1-4 numbers.

  56. Lisa says:

    Oh my word … those names are atrocious!! The comments are bloody hilarious … I needed a good laugh! My son is Jett, his father wanted Jetson (are you kidding me? I hated that cartoon) or Jethro NOT or JettEddy (sounds like a dock or something) … I was firm it was Jett or I was picking and not telling him … going as far as signing the birth certificate as an only parent if I had too!! We call him JT now ‘T’ for Timothy! My poor boy … I sure have regrets, but for the most part people think it’s cool!! My other boys are regular names 🙂

  57. Katy says:

    I was a teacher and I had LOTS of crazy names. Some of my faves. ..Tae Kwon Do (seriously), Todai (pronounced Today–her sister’s name was Tomorra), Tequila, Alexus (maybe because Mercedes wasn’t good enough?).. so many! Looking forward to your girl’s name list!

  58. ann says:

    Not sure who thought of this one, but a friend’s nephew is named Jupiter.

  59. First of all, LOVED! secondly, I am kinda sorry I named myself Little Miss Menopause. I guess it’s a good thing they didn’t have blogs when I was 13 or I probably woulda called myself “Little Miss Menstruation.”
    Lastly, I have a theory about those who name their son “Chaos.” It’s a Chaos Theory. Sorry, couldn’t resist. And no, I am not a math major.
    Again, loved this post!

  60. Charlrs says:

    I saw a kid one day whose first and middle names were “Taka Toke.” Where did I see him? District Court on dope charges. True story.

  61. Kate says:

    I work in the ER – some of my favorites: a girl named Arrogance, a boy named Diarrhea (that’s Di-air-reah), a boy named Cunt ( that’s Coon-Tay..the E is silent. Uhh mom the E is invisible..) and a family of 3 boys Luegene, Eugene, and Gene. The worst is when they get upset that you mispronounce their child’s wacky name!

  62. Nikki says:

    My nephew and nieces names: Trip Browning, Denim Kimber, Hattie-Mae Rossi…all their middle names are guns! Also knew a kid whose whole name was Welcome Back Traveller…what else? Also knew a Rashae Chitty…didn’t necessarily have the names just think they were odd.
    Some of the others on the list are seriously insane! Parent’s should be locked up in the psych ward for some of those!

  63. Chandra says:

    My name SUCKS! No one can ever pronounce it. 🙁 It’s not hard, just like it’s spelled. BUT my mother wanted to name me “Enchantra” for Enchantris. My dad couldn’t spell LOL! thank heavens for small favors. BTW I was born in the 70’s 😉 However, I name our son with the middle name of Remington. Yes it is from the original gun maker. Many kids in our area have that as a first name. He has a short first name. That’s the most “out there” name we chose for our children.

    • Anything goes for the middle names! My poor sis has Edna. Thank god they used that before I came along!! Chandra is sooo easy to say? What is wrong with people. If it makes you feel better my name is Alyson and I get Alicia. NOT THE SAME THING PEOPLE!

  64. I know a dude who named his kids Orion and Cassiopeia, which I thought was weird, but I think the worst was a kid I went to school with named Bran. Just Bran–not short for Brandon or anything. Bran? You got named for something that induces shit?!

    • As in I like Raisin Bran? Bran Flakes? I hope he was regular.

    • anonymous says:

      Bran is actually an Irish name with a long history. It’s not very weird, but maybe there aren’t a lot of Irish where you live. Orion and Cassiopeia are Greek, so ditto. My friend’s dad is Greek, and he’s named Socrates. It’s a normal nice name for Greeks.

  65. Amber says:

    Ugh. Omg people are nuts. I swear, there should be a position at the court house specifically reviewing birth certificates, and when a stupid name comes through they have the power to say “nope! Try again!”

    I have a friend who is an elementary school teacher and he has a student named “Errrday” ya know, like “everyday”? I swear it’s a true story. Lol

    • So I wonder if he can find a pencil with all three of those r’s on it, gotta be hard. What in the world were his parents thinking? Actually they weren’t.

    • Emily says:

      In Australia we have something similar to that. So many shitty names have been avoided here! Some from this list would still be found here though I imagine.

  66. Cara Casale says:

    My niece named her son Destyned John. If she lived closer and I saw him at all I’d be calling him Johnny every chance I got. I cringe every time I see a Facebook post with that poor kid’s name in it.

  67. Karen says:

    I was a teacher for 18 years, & wow, some people can be… Um, creative… & some can be just downright cruel. One kid I knew was named Hosa. (Pronounced like Jose’ – but he was not Hispanic) Really? Similar to a little girl I taught named Shanta. (You got it, sounds like Shante’)
    Then there was the one I will never forget because it made me so angry – the child was ‘unplanned,’ so the brilliant mom named him Mistakey.
    When I was a kid, I went to school with a boy/girl set of twins named Miss & Mister. Real creative, people.

  68. Felicia says:

    I couldn’t stand the thought of naming my son one of the apostles or Rick or something so common! I work as a bartender… David, Rick, Mike, Todd, Richard, Matt, John, Chris, Daniel… Oh my god I’m bored already and I hadn’t even listed James or Jim yet! I am happy to say our son’s name is Wolfgang. Didn’t seem to fit any of your categories 😉 It’s weird here in America (we’ve met four more since) but totally common in parts of Europe and also Mozart’s first name. I love it 🙂

  69. I was laughing until the last two. There are no words for those.
    My brother named his son Baron Von, my brother was a 4th so the family was pretty upset.
    No one calls the lil guy Baron. We all call him Frank.

    • This goes under possible dog names – Baron not so sure about the von part. I think Frank sounds way better.

  70. Deb says:

    I saw a boy named President the other day. Poor kid–yet another job he will never hold.

  71. Jillian says:

    Am I the only one who realizes that “Cache” is NOT a ‘Money’ name? Sounds like we can add this website to a stupid list as well.

    • Oh wise one Jillian, Cache may be a computing terminology but when you say it out loud instead of reading it please tell me what you think of…cash.

  72. Jhonea says:

    Deep and Harshit are traditional Indian and Pakistani boy’s names. Have some respect for cultural diversity!!

    • Cultural diversity should allow for not setting your kids up for a lifetime of being picked on.

    • Karen says:

      Cultural diversity is all well & good, but the kid doesn’t walk around with a sign around his neck proclaiming himself to be Indian or Pakistani. Your information is not common knowledge here in the states. So sorry. If the kid was named elsewhere, then brought here, I would hear your excuse, but I believe these names were compiled from lists of names given to babies born in the U.S. in 2013. Thus, I lay responsibility on the parents. Be aware of the culture in which you live. Sorry if you don’t like it, but life is rough. Consider your child.

  73. ka says:

    A last at my work is about to have a grandson. She’s told us the name the parents to be have chosen. Caillo. Almost C aillou, but they want it pronounced Kylo. Because that makes sense.

    • The names that require explanations of how to say them are never a good idea. Poor little one will be saying their name forever.

  74. Lee says:

    My favourite in many years of teaching was a boy called Thorne – surname Bird.

  75. Eileen Apple says:

    I know two people named Avis which was a family name which certianly was original but not that bad to me. Some of the names here though are way out of line. I feel sorry for the kids, shame on the parents. My daughter has a unique name Jaelynn but hers is for a specific reason and surprisingly there are more than one with her name just spelled differently. I thought it was strange to see a boy with it though. I guess it all comes down to you dont know why the children were given the names they were and they will do just fine with them and they will be remembered. Just like Arnold Schwartzeneger said he refused to change his name because he wanted to be original and remembered and he has been.

    • Growing up family names seemed to get more of a pass. Now though I have to wonder is it a family name or is it a parent trying to be weird with their kids name? I just checked, there were 10 Jaelynn’s named in 2013. I can think of no reason to give a child the name Lucifer though 🙁

  76. Deneanichle says:

    I knew a set of twins in TN who had the exact same name. EXACT. I cant remember what it was but it was an average name. Problem was they were identical as well. Years later one twin got in trouble and the cops arrested the wrong twin! Bad twin and mom had to go down with his social security number and get them to release him and lock up the correct twin. I hate my name. Denea. I understand why my mother named me Denea but its a nightmare. Her name is Deena. Avon mispelled it on a bag and presto chango there was my name. ugh! To this day people dont know we arent the same person! Plus nobody can say or spell it right. Least I got a pass on the last name with Smith.

  77. Diane says:

    I kid you not. We had a brother and sister at school named Harry and Rosie. Boring you say? Well think again, their family owned the local plumbing company and their last name was Roumph (pronounced Rump)… Seriously!? “Hairy Rump and Rosy Rump”. At least Rosie was able to get married and take on a new last name. Poor Harry was stuck with both his name and the family business.

  78. Carri says:

    Please look up “Shithead”. I went to high school with a guy with the afore mentioned name. Days where he had substitute teachers were interesting. I hear he got into trouble simply for writing his name.

  79. amber says:

    Seriously this was funny however who wants the same name as everyone I hated it! As for the teachers that complain plesse don’t teach my kids!

  80. Poor Kids!!I had a Rush when I taught second grade. His parents were weirdos. I went with Benjamin and Henry for my own.

    • Rush as in the band of the loud mouth talk radio guy? Either way that’s horrible. I wanted Benjamin for my second child, but she was a girl 😉

  81. Nathan L says:

    xD omg. Imagine if in the future we have entire countries full of these odd names and it would be caused by the internet name thing. Like this. *In the hospital.* Doctor: Its a boy!
    Mother: *Gasps* Aww. He is beautiful. I will name him Tom.
    Doctor: I am sorry but that name is already taken. You may have: Bone834, Phelgm666 or KoopaTroopa00001.


  83. RickieV says:

    How about the neighbors who had twins. A girl (Reiss) and a boy (Crispin)…Reiss Crispin squares anyone?

  84. Kamala Rohana Noble says:

    If I could have kids I would never name them hulk or crackhead.

  85. April says:

    A former classmate of mine named her son Link, as in Link from Legend of Zelda, which would be fine if it wasn’t for the fact that, judging by today’s popular baby names, he’s going to be going to school with a bunch of Jacks and Amelias. I also met a hairdresser with a son called Tiberius, and another one with two sons called Etienne and Lorenzo (and no, neither she nor her partner were French or Italian.)

  86. Kyle says:

    I know this is an opinion piece but your opinions are so tacky.


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  2. […] If you liked the 2012 edition you will LOVE the 2013 Stupid Boy Name list – click here to read it! […]

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