The Best Holiday Shit Gift List

 

ShitList

It is the time of the year when we frantically search for that perfect gift for loved ones, neighbors, co-workers, and other people that have impacted our lives in the last year. Some people are easy to shop for, sweater for Grandpa – check, pound cake for Aunt Louise – check, gift card to liquor store for my kids teachers – check. But then there are those other people. The ones that you search to find the one item that sums up your relationship perfectly. Enter my ‘Best Holiday Gift Shit List’ after all if there is anyone that knows about Shit Lists it’s me.

Here is the best shit you can find around the web to give to that person that means so much to you. Your welcome.

  • The shirt that started the entire Gift Shit List! This lovely item is offered by the hysterical site BuyMeBrunch.com and I highly suggest getting your favorite blogger one for Christmas (a L would be awesome). Or you can always get one for yourself as a warning to anyone headed to your house for the holidays! Nothing screams “Run Away” faster than opening the door to the family when wearing this ditty.
Shit Show

Available at BuyMeBrunch.com

  • There are a lot of people on your Shit List and things get confusing why you put them on the list, was it that asshole move they did at the last family BBQ? Worry no more the Shit List is here to help you remember the who’s and whys. This gift also helps make it easier to let them know just when they make the list. The Shit List is a natural inclusion in my Holiday Shit Buying Guide.
Shit List

Available at PerpetualKid.com

  • One of my favorite scenes in Caddy Shack was when Bill Murray jumped into the pool for the rogue turd. Good quality family entertainment there. Now you can enjoy the same horror and shit show at your next family function with The Floater! What could possibly go wrong? If that shit don’t look realistic, I don’t know what does.
TheFloater

Available at Walmart

  • Here is the perfect holiday (or really anytime) idea for that person you can’t stand. Nothing says Merry Christmas better than Shit. Does your neighbor allow her dog to shit on your lawn? Well send her some Elephant poop, the bigger the better. Did you get passed over for that promotion you deserved so that young hot girl could take the coveted position (and I don’t mean the job). Well it’s time to send her and the boss some shit. *Shovel and boots not included
elephant-splash

Available at ShitSenders.com

  • People love their hand sanitizer and now you can have fun with the OCD person in your life! This funny (yet expensive at $8) gift is perfect as a stocking stuffer, and there are many to choose from – not just Shit! I think my favorite is the “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” sanitizer, and the review from Lawrence on Amazon makes me really want to meet him.

“I was very disappointed in this product. First, I touched my genitals, and the product dispensed as expected. Then, I waited for 72 hours, not touching my genitals the entire time, and the product STILL DISPENSED. When I called Amazon, I was reminded that the product was named “MAYBE You touched your genitals”, not “You DEFINITELY Touched Your Genitals”, and while I understand this line of thought, I am still convinced this was a misleading product name.”

CleanerShit

Available at Amazon

  • Who doesn’t love spending the holidays alone? For the relationship that is headed south quickly, here’s one way to nudge it along. Or do you know a constant talker that you just want to tune out? Here is the gift that lets them know you care, kinda.

    give_a_shit

    Available from AlwaysFits.com

  • Ladies, does your guy love tools? Does he spend a lot of time in the bathroom? A complimentary set for woodsman in all of us, behold the Poo-Purri Tool Box!
Poo-Purri

Available at 11main.com

  • Politics is always a touchy topic at any family gatherings, but here’s the perfect way to push through that conversation with some much needed brevity! The people at Poopoopaper.com sell an assortment of items made from recycled elephant, donkey, moose, cow, panda, and horse shit! Now that’s one Pootacular eco-friendly alternative to cutting down trees, that I can get behind. This funny item pretty much says it all.
LogJams

Available at Poopoopaper.com

  • Sometimes it’s hard to get the right gift for the reader in your lives. I mean sure you could get them a gift card to Barnes & Noble but that’s not nearly as fun to unwrap as the Kama Pootra is! Learn all sorts of Yoga-esque shitting positions. Caution – do not attempt these yourself if you have consumed ANY alcohol. Author and Blogger not responsible if you get stuck in your bathroom and need to call for help, just be sure to pull your pants up first.
KamaPootra

Available at Amazon

  • Or if you want something that may require less athleticism for your reader, how about Everybody Poops 410 Pounds a Year! Yes this little gem has all sorts of poop related facts, quiz the family! Be the envy of all at the holiday party! Yes you can know all there is to know about poop. Perfect gift for the family proctologist, there’s always one.
Everybody Poops

Available at Amazon

  • Not sure what to get the little one in your family that still loves her dolls? Well Barbie™ and her Pooper Scooper of course! Sure your kid refuses to clean up after the actual family pet, but it is so much more fun for her to clean up after the plastic fake pet! Lessons will be learned with this item when your wee one feeds the biscuits to the dog and then pushes down on it’s tail, forcing out the puppy poop! Yay Mattel, I think you have finally hit the bottom.
Barbie Pooper

Available at Amazon

  • And finally what do you wrap all your Shit in? Naturally the only acceptable answer is poop wrapping paper of course! Throw a red or blue ribbon on that box and you got yourself one hell of a shitty holiday gift.
Poop Wrapping Paper

Available at Zazzle via Amazon

 Happy Holidays’ to you and yours and may all your Shitty dreams come true!
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  1. I’ve got a neighbor who walks her dog with one of those pooper scoopers – not pink though. Such a discrete way to advertise you’re carrying dog shit around. I kind of want that shirt for Christmas Eve – just to balance out my SIL’s “this girl loves Christmas” shirt.

  2. Why have I not seen this before, you just did all or most of my shopping for me. Thank YOU!!!!! Yeah me!! hehe. I need to order 12 of the shirt. Awesome.