Top Stupid Girls Names 2013

When naming your child I believe it is important to consider that this human being actually has to go through life with the name you selected. Seems an obvious, but some parents missed the memo. Last week I highlighted The Top Stupid Boys Names of 2013 and this week the girls are up, and wow Amerika (12) did not disappoint with the most ridiculous Choyce’s (5) in the world.

In case you missed the protocol here is how it goes – Social Security has compiled a list of almost 4 Million 2013 baby names, in order to make the list at least five children had to be Blessed (13) with these names. I have selected those that I feel are above and beyond stupid for your enjoyment. I will put the name and then in parentheses the actual number of children that were given these Epic (7) monikers.

There were a few obvious categories of names that people went with so let’s go ahead and get those out of the way.

  1. Religious – There is no doubt that Americans love their God or Messiah (38) and feel it is important to Bless (9) their little one with a Heavenly (168) name. But I can’t help but think that little Hallelujah (7) will not be singing the Song (8) of Psalms (6) or saying her Prayer (6), Rosary (5), and Novena (6) that you did, Amen (41). And thank you all of those that pointed out I had the wrong Calvary (7), because the religious one is very different than the patriotic one.
  2. Location – Most women will tell you that being equated to a large land mass is not a good idea, but I am sure Australia (6), Miami (16), Dublin (10), England (11), Indiana (33), Itali (9) / Italie (5) / Italy (86), Korea (29), Island (19), Sanibel (5), and Vail (8) will tell you themselves when they get older.
  3. Cars – Mommas can’t get enough of naming their babies after an automobile, but with girls it brings a whole new meaning to riding in my Chevy (18), Infiniti (14), Jetta (6), Audi (21), or Bently (11) / Bentley (11) / Bentleigh (58). (oh and BTW I owned a Jetta and the tire fell off it while driving it so not quality vehicle…here’s that story)
  4. Nature – Names that align with the outdoors sound better with girls than boys (IMO), however Canyon (94), Ocean (90) / Oceana (25)  / Oceane (7) may not agree. Nor do I think will Birdie (37), Dove (5), Harbor (36), Paw (5), Snow (5), Trillium (9), or Tulip (5).
  5. Royalty (40) – What is a little Princesa (37) to do? I mean when you are a Duchess (8) or an Heiress (25) to the throne sure, who doesn’t want to be called Majesty (20). However, the Reality (6) is that little Empriss (5) will most likely not be assuming a Royal (59) position in her lifetime.
  6. Jewels (47) – Your little Queen (44) may never have her own scepter, but maybe she will have her own Gem (5). Could we keep it classy and go with a Dymond (23) because Diamonique (12) is the low end fake stuff. I would like to think Onyx (33) and Amethyst (9) would approve.
  7. Patriotic – Shouldn’t Freedom (22) and Liberty (556) / Liberti (7) / Libertee (10) be saved to describe our country? Who wants to be called Nixon (18) – hello the guy had to resign in disgrace!
  8. Ancient Civilization – Athena (1445) and Shera (6) will appreciate being known for their intelligence and strength, but poor little Roman (12) will have to hear ‘When in Rome (11)’ too many times to be comfortable. And for the record I drive an Odyssey (16) minivan and it is not the coolest vehicle, so maybe just stick to the Goddess (16) names or Alpha (5) cause who doesn’t want to be top bitch?
  9. Calendar – The Adam’s Family really taught us all a Thing or two about naming your child Wednesday (15). However now there is Tuesday (48) and Sunday (22); not to mention months July (15), August (44), September (36), October (8) / Oktober (31), November (33), and December (16). Pre-school is going to be very confusing for these little ones when they learn the Calendar Song.
  10. Money (6) – We all want our kids to grow up and make a Fortune (9), but chances are that if you name your child Cash (8), Amillion (7), Kash (12), Emony (5), or my favorite Price (5) they will most likely NOT have any Mone (6).
  11. Traits – There is no guarantee that because you name your Sweet (144) child Beauty (5), Honest (5), Knowledge (9), Loyal (17), Chastity (32), Marvelous (9), Modesty (16), Pretty (8), Purity (10), or Truth (14) they will actually have any. However they very well may have a touch of Vanity (8).
  12. Hooker – When naming a little girl it is always important to stay away from any names that could be interpreted as a woman the works the pole or street. I believe that Fantasia (8), Mystique (8), Feather (10), Yumi (21), Pola (16), Treasure (242), Dustie (6), Sparkle (12), Sugey (7), Sundae (7), Desire (86), Delicia (17), and Trany (14) would all agree.
  13. Rhyming -I find it simply Amazin (5) that parents named their kids things that can easily be turned into a taunt. Here are some names followed by what I can see this being turned into: Aishat (7) Asshat / Pessy (44) Pussy / Arfa (10) Barf / Bellamia (11)  Bulimia / Rhyder (10) Ride-Her / Citori (5) Clitoris / Falak (10) Phallic / Kennis (7) Penis. Parents…Just NO!

But….as bad as all those were here are some others that don’t fit into any category except Stupid.

  1. Afrin (6) and Allegra (56) – These are drugs used to fight off seasonal allergies, and one you spray in your nose! They are NOT a name! And yes I know Allegra is an Italian name, but unless you are living in Italy it is a drug in America.
  2. Bow (5) and Arrow (15) – These two will hopefully never be in the same class, school, or activity because surely they will be paired up in every group.
  3. Eh (23) and Naw (12) – These are sounds, not a name.
  4. Diva (8) – Will most likely be unemployed when she grows up because she will never get a job with that name.
  5. Dim (23), Moo (7), and Nil (5) – These are most likely cultural names but when you pick this for your kid realize they may be taunted, for life.
  6. Dora (78) – Most parents fantasize about taking this little girl’s backpack and throwing it into the Icy (5) Lake (36) with her stupid friend Atlas (7) – yes I know it is called The Map.
  7. Early (6) – This is the only Chance (34) you will Ever (109) have to be Early in your life again.
  8. Pistol (9) – Nothing says sweet child than naming her after a weapon, I hope she Forever (31) and Evah (34) embraces her inner Zen (9).
  9. Rebel (46) – Let’s hope this is not a self fulfilling prophecy and that you do not have one Riot (11) after another – but you probably will and deserve it.
  10. Kale (5) – Just because you named your child a vegetable does not mean she will eat them.
  11. Io (12) – How can someone not say, “You!” after this child’s name? ‘Io-U’, funny stuff right there, Ha (6)!
  12. Whisper (12) – Best of luck with this one, you will probably Heer (13) everything in an Ecko (10) for her entire childhood.
  13. Favor (27) – Can you do me a Favour (14)…Stop naming your kids stupid shit.
  14. Unique (144) – I find it ironic that Yunique (8) and Imunique (10) are anything but.
  15. Tuba (5) – My Theory (9) is that being named after a large Shiny (5) instrument will not be a good thing.

As bad as these all are I have to say the Top Stupid Girls Names for 2013 are:

Nemesis (6) – Nothing like telling your child that you see them as your downfall, to say this mother and daughter relationship is off to a bad start is an understatement.

Kilyn (7) / Killian (15) – Because death and a sweet baby should never be in the same name. (Yes I know it has some Irish mythical meaning but who the hell is going to think of that with the word Kill in the name?!)

So how did the Girls names for 2012 compare to this year? Go check them out here. Stupidity runs deep in the U.S.A. Oh and go read the 2013 Boys list because seriously The Top 2 worst names for them take the overall prize for worst parenting EVAH! Click here to see for yourself.

StupidGirl

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Comments

  1. Carrie says:

    Oh for the love. Do we need to have a central naming system to review and approve baby names before they are placed on a birth certificate? Dymond? Chevy? No. Just no.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It is starting to appear that way isn’t it?! Who names their kid Trany??

  2. If you name your child Imunique you don’t have to get vaccines. That’s how that works, right?

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Did you just read Jen’s Anti-Vaxer story? I think we can agree Yunique is off the hook too.

  3. People are so damn stupid. I can’t even with some of these names… Go ‘Murica. I seem to be saying that a lot lately

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I added the Australia name just for you.

    • Stacey says:

      Maybe Murica will end up on next year’s list?

  4. LOVED THIS! Shared this piece and the boy name piece. Hard to believe that more than five parents named their kid “Eh” or “tuba!” BIZARRE!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Tuba was kinda like Are ya Kiddin’ me?! TUBA! And Eh??? Jeeze try to find that on a pencil kid.

  5. That’s it – I’m naming my first-born Sparkle. Just try and stop me.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      He will be the Belle of the Ball no doubt.

  6. Laughing so hard at this list! You’re hilarious!
    I hereby appoint you the Moniker Magistrate! All baby-naming must be approved by you before parents ink those birth certificates! Put an end to the Infiniti (14) of horrifying names! Save our children! :o)

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I can see it being a board of commissioners…most things can fly through (and seriously I had hundreds flagged before I narrowed it down) but HOLY CRAP! These names are NOT OK!! I do like my title btw, I wonder if that will fit on my business card for BlogHer?

  7. My favorite story (physician husband) was of a mom at the hospital who gave birth and thought the hospital already named the baby for her. The child will forever be named “Female” but the mom thought it was to be pronounced “fem-olley.” This is why there needs to be a clause where the State steps in and says you are too stupid to bring a baby home.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Can you imagine her filling out paperwork for her kid to go to school…and I have to wonder if the state did step in at some point if the parent is that dumb. Ridiculous.

      • Ashley C. says:

        Have one even better. My mother was a middle school teacher and had a set of twins in her class. The parents didn’t speak English so when they were asked for names, they said “The hospital already named them!”

        Yep, the twins were Male (MA-lee) and Female (feh-MAL-lee).

        I graded some of their papers too. (This was aaaaaaages ago when I was a pre-teen. Mom’s been retired for years now.)

        • Oh those poor little ones! How in the world did they let her leave with that as her kids names??? Wow. just wow.

  8. What were they thinking! Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue” seems reasonable by comparison.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Ain’t that the truth.

  9. You can make a fun song out of some of those names: “Eh… Naw. Eh. Naw. Dim, Moo, Nil. Dim, Moo, Nil. Eh… Naw. Eh. Naw. Dim, Moo, Nil. Dim, Moo, Nil. Io! Io! Io! Io! Io! Io!” (I’m actually signing this, and my dog is looking at me like I’m a freak. I get that look a lot.)

    And, once again, I fear for the future of our society.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It can be like Old McDonald but instead of Ee-I-Ee-I-O it can be Eh-Naw-Nil-Dim-Io…with a Moo Moo here of course.

      • Hannah B says:

        Say that 3 times fast… Eh-Naw-Nil-Dim-Io! Lol

        • Poor kids, can you just imagine the playground? Here’s to hoping they have nicknames.

          • Chastity says:

            You are correct. As a child I was beat up for the name Chastity 😂

  10. OMG this was way too enlightening… but hilarious. 😉

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Makes you wonder doesn’t it…it a sad way.

  11. I think these may be worse than the boy names….and I didn’t think that was possible! Lol!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I am torn since the boys had Lucifer and Jihad but it did seem that when compiling this list vs. the boys I had many many more to choose from for the girls, and not in a good way.

  12. cheryl says:

    Don’t forget all the little girls named female (fa mal ee) because of the language barrier on the paperwork.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It sounds so much more sophisticated when you put the spaces in doesn’t it?

  13. cheryl says:

    I had a friend who worked doing ambulance transport and she was taking a newborn from one hospital to the other. she noticed the babies name was Meconium and she asked the mother why she picked that name. The mother said “when I was having her I heard the doctor say I was having a meconium birth and I thought it sounded so beautiful” My friend asked her if she actually knew what meconium was and then explained that meconium is actually fetal poop …The mother was kind of regretting the name choice at that point… Moral of the story research the name and its meanings BEFORE you give it to your child…

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      And forever I crown you Queen of the Poop! Poor kid, obviously her mom went to all the pre-labor classes and doctor appointments:/

  14. Allegra says:

    While I agree with a lot of your assessment (and I read the boys names too), I have to point out that the name Allegra (MY name) is not only a beautiful name, it has a nice meaning. The name has also been around far longer than the allergy medicine (and yes, it was annoying when the medicine was introduced). Allegra is a very Italian name and means “happy” in both Italian and Spanish. It is also a musical tempo indicating to play something “fast and lively.” So let’s take it easy on the Allegras out there and let’s hope that most folks named their children Allegra not after the allergy medicine, but because it IS in fact, a beautiful name.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It is a lovely name when you align it with either music or happiness. I mean no ill to you or others. My point is though that sadly the names have dual meanings, and can be taken to mean the allergy med. I am often pointing out the spelling of my name (Alyson) which only had 400 people named this way is supposedly the gaelic version (my dad is full Irish) and not because he wanted to name me something that would ensure I would never get a pencil with my name on it ever. Thank you for setting me straight on it – I really mean that.

  15. My cat’s nickname is Chevy. Her full name is Chevelle, because she had racing stripes down her back as a kitten. But she is a cat.

    I HAVE TO believe that all those dopes who named their daughters Desire were going for Desiree, and misspelled it. Which is STILL a hooker name, but not as blatant. Please tell me nobody intentionally named their infant the equivalent of “sex object.” Please?

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      No guarantees but I was hoping it was Desiree too??

    • Rebekah says:

      Desiree is NOT a hooker name. It is actually from France. It was the name of a woman Napoleon Bonaparte loved before he was married. It means “desirable one”. I think people who pass judgment on some names, do so without researching either. Pot meet kettle.

      • To bad the name I highlighted was Desire not Desiree. Try reading a little more carefully.

        • Rebekah says:

          I was talking to the lady above your comment. The one that said Desiree was a hooker name.

          • I’m gonna go ahead and apologize and eat the big ole crow sitting in front of me, that is once I take my foot out of my throat. Sorry I am an ass.

  16. I love my car. I shoulda named one of my kids Mini Cooper.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      As long as the wheels don’t fall off you totally should!

  17. rana says:

    hey nice racist article

    • Stephanie L. says:

      Where is the racism here? racism: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior…

      I don’t see any of that here so….sorry Rana….

    • I don’t see anything racist in the story either. I have a master’s in journalism and am very in tune to unbalanced, unobjective pieces. If the author randomly picked a bunch of names out her head, it would be one thing, but these come from the Census Bureau, and all she’s done is take the most unusual ones and categorize them to show humorous trends in naming. A child named “Eh” could be any color or religious under the sun. I’m just not seeing it. I once worked at a paper that assigned me a piece on what black people name their babies. Now THAT is a racist story. I refused to write it or have my byline even remotely associated with such garbage. But I’m sorry. I just don’t see anything racist here. The author makes no reference to race, nor to region or socioeconomic status.

    • Terrye says:

      WHY, for the love of all that is pure, do the idiots always fall back on the racist card? For your education, here is the official definition of the word “racist:”

      rac·ist
      [rey-sist] Show IPA
      noun
      1.
      a person who believes in racism, the doctrine that a certain human race is superior to any or all others.
      adjective
      2.
      of or like racists or racism: racist policies; racist attitudes.

      Now, taking that into consideration, I beg anyone to point out exactly where an instance of ‘racism’ in this article has occurred.

      STOP flinging ‘racism’ and the race card around just because the main stream media is pretending it’s what all the cool kids are doing. GROW A FRIGGIN’ BRAIN ALREADY. And I like the way you made a very blanketed statement instead of pointing out exactly what you found was so ‘racist’ about this post.

    • MJM says:

      I hope and pray that you are trying to be funny with your comment, because if not, you are one crazy person who needs to be checked into the funny farm ASAP. The piece was funny, there was nothing racist and/or hurtful about it. Get that stick out of your ass and lighten up, stop taking things so seriously.

      As always, great piece and thanks for giving me (and many others I’m sure) a well needed laugh my friend.

  18. I don’t see racism in this piece either. And it’s humor. It’s all tongue in cheek; no harm meant toward anyone, all in a good spirit.

  19. Joy says:

    Unless you’re counting Hooker as a race. Which it certainly is not.

  20. Too funny! How do I pick my favorites? Heer and Ecko are close 😉 Passing on to all of my pregnant friends to stock them up with ideas!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Fingers crossed none of these were on their short list.

  21. Jen A says:

    Top white trash name of 2013, as far as I’m concerned, is Neveah – that’s Heaven spelled backwards. I think it ranked #105 but is growing in popularity. A mom where I work was thrilled that she was having a girl because she always wanted to saddle some poor kid with Neveah as a name. I knew a woman named Amethyst, she wisely went by ‘Amy’ and it’s better than Ruby which just screams hooker. Nobody names their kid anything normal anymore. Kinda sad.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      There were two versions of Neveah on the list – Naveah and the other. I am gonna go ahead and assume that those that went with Naveah didn’t know how to spell Heaven.

    • jackie smith says:

      I know a lady who named her girls Nevaeh and Evol (Love spelled backwards). What an evil thing to do to your children

      • Mathis says:

        Neveah is not heaven backwards. People like to think it is. But turn Neveah around and it is haeven. I have a ex friend who named her daughter this and it’s silly. I agree people need to put more thought into naming their children. It is becoming ridiculous and fast.

  22. Nicknames are bad enough without real names being this bad.

    I was curious– will you make a list of ridiculous names celebrities give their kids? “Apple” and “North” (last name being West, har, har) come immediately to mind.

    I mean, it’s not all rednecks and hicks– pretentious actors scored some doozies, too.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Oh there are plenty of celebrity names that make it over into main stream – sadly.

  23. I realize I’m a bit late to this party, but THANK YOU for this! Hilarious! And at the same time, a bit jaw dropping. My children have names that make people ask me, “And what parish do you belong to?” (I mean, we could celebrate their feast days if we wanted to), and when I’m asked how I spell that, I reply “In the conventional way.” So when I hear about people naming their kids things like Gummee and Graphyte I just have to shake my head. Why would you do that to a poor child??

    • I can not fathom what goes through these parents minds when they name their children. It is really so bad to go through life with a typical name – Jennifer, Ashley, Brian, Mary? Hell even mix it up a little and go for something a little off if you must but really…Lucifer or Tequila are not ok.

  24. Jo says:

    Read it backwards Annavrin Nevaeh…no joke

  25. Loved the articles on names. Too funny! …and sad. Curious, though. You had “Calvary” listed under patriotic and used it as “Cavalry”. Is the spelling a typo? Or is the name actually Calvary? If it’s Calvary, then it goes in the religious section as it’s the name of the place where Jesus was crucified. Either way, it’s a winner, for sure! Lol

    • Stupid fingers…it is Calvary! As in send in the Calvary, but maybe was tied to where Jesus was crucified. Always good to tie your child’s name to where people were crucified! Not ok, that kid is probably gonna be an Atheist when they grow up.

      • Sandy says:

        No, you send in the cavalry and Jesus died at Calvary.

  26. Old fashioned says:

    I am on a preemie moms fb group and these girls come up with some stupid names. I was reading these and I have seen a bunch of them on that page. 1 girl named her twins with months for first names and nature names for the middle. (I think one was October Sky and September Rain or some crap). Then there was the mom who named her twins “nevaeh” and “heaven.” They had religious middle names too. It’s a bit eerie that neither one made it. :-\

    • Oh wow that is eerie, maybe that is why she picked those names? October Sky wasn’t that a movie or something?

      • Ashley C. says:

        Pity she wasn’t also a Guns ‘N Roses fan and gone with November Rain.

        I now feel old. :-p

  27. Elle says:

    Hilarious as usual! I don’t think these names have made it across to the UK yet, thankfully.

    One note though – Yumi is a Japanese girl’s name and pronounced “you-me”, it’s quite cute and doesn’t sound anything like a stripper (I assume you took it to be “yummy”)

  28. Laurie says:

    The Calvary should have been in the religious section. Patriotic would have been spelled Cavalry…

  29. Karyn says:

    I’m honestly surprised Hennessy, Remy and Passion didn’t make the Hooker section. Lol I not only know of children with these names, but also strippers LOL

    GREAT lists! 🙂 glad I found your blog!

    • Passion! Someone named their kid PASSION! WTF?! Is there a sister named Treasure?

      Thanks for the sweet ass comment about liking my blog too;)

  30. Robbi Levesque says:

    We’ll let me start with my name first…..apparently I was supposed to be a boy. My mother for some stupid reason decided that on her own, without any medical testing, ON HER OWN. When I had the nerve to be born a girl (probably a defiance thing on my part) she was completely un-prepared to name me. Since I was gonna be named Robert Joseph when I was a boy, my grandmother (her mom) suggested Robbi Jo instead. I absolutely HATED my name growing up and having to explain over & over again that I was a girl and yes that is my real name to everybody I met. And no I’ve never even been to the South. I no longer hate my name & in fact now love it believe it or not. It’s different, so unfortunately I can never find it on any key chains or stickers but I also don’t have any confusion on which one I am either. Lol oh and I named my daughter Chance, which she in turn HATED because to this day (she’s 24) she’s only ever known of one other girl named Chance. She’s known however, of tons of boys, the dog in Homeward Bound & even a snake named Chance, all of which she did NOT appreciate even a little bit. However, she did tell her son’s father that if she had a girl she’d give her a boy name because the girls in her family all have boys names & to get over it. Hahaha I love that!!!! I know, I’m probably wrong for that too but that’s irrelevant in my opinion. Lol but if you think that’s the worst then I’ve got a surprise for you………….wait for it……….I know an idiot (which is actually an understatement) that named her daughter Felany. She spelled it Felony but the idiot doing data entry spelled it wrong and she didn’t catch it because she never even looked at the birth certificate and I don’t believe she even knows it’s misspelled to this day. She is almost 10 yrs old now. And I also know of another child named Propecia. I feel really bad for her already!

    • Both Felony and Felany are horrible names and isn’t propecia a drug or something? I have to admit I thought you were a male when I first saw your name. Sigh. I am sorry. Maybe your daughter can go with Joanne for a girl, and just call her Joe? Like the facts of life! I thought maybe your real name was Roberta…why didn’t your mom go with that? Wait don’t answer that.

  31. Liberty Lanier says:

    #7- Excuse me, my name is Liberty. So whomever wrote this and thinks Liberty is a stupid name can go FUCK themselves!

  32. summer says:

    Um yeah my name is Summer and I’ve always loved it. Never ever wanted to have a “common” name and be one of 5 Jennifer’s or Jessica ‘ s in the room. I’m currently pregnant and have decided on unusual but not weird names for the baby including August if it’s a boy. My husband’s only caveat for a girl was try not to pick a strippers name so we tried to shy away from that.

    • I don’t have Summer on my list so I am not sure what you are referring to. I actually stated that nature names seem more suitable to girls than boys. Summer was not all that unique actually, with 1,711 girls named Summer in 2013. There is a famous writer named August too.

  33. Nichole says:

    In my state, you get a lot of football type names…Krimson, Crimson, Krymson, Bear (as in Bryant), Allie Bama (no that’s not a joke, look it up…happened multiple times in the past few years).

    • Allie Bama! Well, I suppose if you love your team then go with it right;) I live in South Bend so we got a few Irish here.

  34. Myla says:

    I have several cousins with places as their name. We have a Milan, India, Asia and Malaysia in our family. I love their names and I was even planning on naming a daughter (if I ever have one) Ireland. There are worse names like Trany, Ride-Her and Clitoris!! LOL

    • I hope to never meet someone named Clitoris, poor thing. There were many Milan, India, and Malaysia on the Social Security list showing that they are not really that strange. The weird ones like Montreal or Toronto are the ones that throw me a little. Ireland reminds me of Ireland Baldwin, also I live by ND so there are lots of Irish names in our area.

    • DerryS says:

      Can I suggest Erin (air-in) or even Eire (air-ah) over Ireland? They are Irish words for Ireland a and sound so much prettier.

      Also, to the author, Killian is a common Irish name (originally Cillian) and is a boys name. Strange to see it make a girl’s list.

      • Yes I know it is an Irish name, but this is the American list – not the Irish list. In America a name with Kill in it does not automatically get attributed to Ireland.

      • Grant says:

        Kale is Warrior in Gaelic……just because some tosser in seppo land decided to name a lettuce the same, doesn’t make it wrong…..

        • gina says:

          Thank you grant i love the name but spelled it kayl so people could shut it:)

  35. Kathy Burtram says:

    Know someone who is friends with a super flakey couple. For the birth of one child they left the hospital with her nameless. You would think with the extra time and no pressure she would’ve ended up with a kick ass name. But no, she was named cochlea, yes as in your ear. Why you ask? Well as a tiny new human she played with her ear. Soooo of course you name her that. And then these people decided to bless the universe with another child. This time they named her totem. Like a pole. Why?!? Why?!?

  36. Erica says:

    When my oldest was in Kindergarten ( he is now 17), He was on the bus with 5th grade twins named Marvelous and Wonderful. I told him that the older boys had to be messing with him. Nope! After talking to his teacher turns out that is their real names! This teacher said that they ( the teachers) had to try to call them by nicknames but the parents put a stop to it!!!

  37. Bobbie says:

    Robbi Jo, i relate to your story very much. I also was expected to be a boy, named Robert Vernon and ending up as Bobbie Laverne. I went through school correcting teachers who wanted my name to be Roberta or Barbara. Although over the years i have grown to like my first name, I named all 3 of my children very “normal” names: Rebecca, Bridget & Christopher. The 2 girls both hated their names until reaching adulthood. Chris seems pretty content with his name.

    • Maybe it’s a girl thing? I was named Alyson…although I liked it it was spelled weird (gaelic version) so never could find that coveted pencil with my name on it. Sigh.

  38. Lisa says:

    As I read this list, all I can think of is the atrocities that fewer than five people have chosen for their children’s names. These are bad enough, but there are at least five of everyone. Imagine the one- or two-offs! Oh, and BTW, just found out my son has a “Remington” – one N, not 2 – on his hockey team. I think of this list every time I see that name.

    • I thought the same thing when compiling the list! I can’t even imagine some of the 1 and 2 names. It’s probably best I don’t.

  39. Lol funny

  40. Elisabeth says:

    Hilarious article. I hate intentionally misspelled uniqueness. Ugh b

    Eh, Baw, Moo, Naw, Paw, etc. are actually all Burmese names. I work with refugees and probably know 12 of the 23 baby Ehs born this year to Burmese refugee parents. Most of these parents just have no idea about anything English yet. Side note: Bumese names are also meant to be said together for the meaning ( Gaw Gaw Paw means red red rose)…

    • That makes more sense then! I figured they were but when the little one gets to 1st grade the teacher will just call them Eh. Maybe they will have a nickname by school time.

  41. Hannah B says:

    I work in an OBGYN office! I come across some pretty weird names! Most I can’t pronounce must less spell! Mahershalahazbah….or something like that! The mom had to say about 10 times before I could say it right!

    • I think a general rule is people should be able to pronounce your child’s name without phonetic spelling being needed.

  42. True story. When I worked as an OB I generally never interfered or contributed to baby naming . . . except one time. The mother wanted to name her daughter Chlamydia because she heard it so much during her pregnancy and thought it was beautiful. Ellen

  43. S says:

    Some of these names are hilarious and awful but I’m not sure what’s wrong with Killian? It’s a regular Irish name!

    • I am Irish, and even highlighted that it is an irish name…but would you name your child something with the word Kill in it? Change that K to a J and you have an irish name that is not connected with death.

  44. Liz says:

    This is brilliant in the exact inverse of the stupidity of some of these names. People never cease to amaze me. Can it be long before we have little Apps and Hashtags running around the playground? My great-grandmother was actually named Diamond. Does she get a pass for being from Italy (her daughter was named Italia!) and being born in the 1800s? It’s a close call and I’m a descendant!

  45. Domenick says:

    Wow most of these names are god-awful. If I ever have a daughter I want to name her Primula or Cecily.

  46. tay says:

    lucretia is the stupidest sounding name. everytime someone says it, i cringe. it sounds like ‘secrete’, as in ‘discharge’….it just SOUNDS so ugly. i dont know what person in their right minds would name their daughter ‘lucretia’….half ghetto, half annoying