The holidays are just around the corner, and even worse – Black Friday is even closer. It is time to try to figure out what the hell to get our over indulged little munchkins! I have done extensive research to try to find the top most annoying, horrible, and just down right Why In God’s Name would I spend m0ney on That options.
Without further adieu…I present The Shitastrophy’s Top 8 WTF Kids Toys of 2013
1. Baby Alive Real Surprises – various locations are selling this little lady for $45. Here’s a fun gift – this baby shits herself! Yea you!! She also says 30+ words and phrases because you need more kids telling you “I’m Hungry!” or “No more!” – how awesome is that? And she pees and poos! Those first few thousands of diapers you changed with your real kids when they were little were not enough – now you get more diapers! Let’s be serious we all know who is changing this little one. Oh and the food and diapers the baby needs are purchased separately so be sure to stock up!!
2. The 2-in-1 IPotty with Trainer – various locations are stocking this hygienic item for $40. The manufacturer promotes it as a “comfortable and fun place to train your child to use the potty!” Don’t worry about accidents here parents, they got you covered with a specially designed guard to protect against messy urine and smudges – how thoughtful!
Have we really stooped to this level with technology doing even this job for us? It is the equivalent of the newspaper in the bathroom move by old men. Also, there has been research (AAP) that shows a child sitting on the toilet for more than 5 minutes could cause harm to their bowels. So I am thinking the ability to watch a feature film should not really be the reason to get this device – not to mention…the eewwww factor.
3. Despicable Me Fart Blaster - $30 at Toys R Us. I know I love when my kids just rip one with little thought to how gross it is (one of my children really enjoys doing this in the car when we are all trapped!) now that child can do it on demand anywhere!! God I love things that make noise, it is so relaxing. And it doesn’t only make noise, it lights up, and emits a lovely banana scent too!! Awesome.
4. Disney Planes Dusty Crophopper Wing Control Remote-Controlled Plane – Walmart $34. Kids take the two enclosed remote controllers and hold in their hands as they move their arms to simulate flying, the plane flies just like it! Now this toy is actually a Kid Chosen One, but let’s be serious it isn’t all about the kids. Christmas gift giving is a balance between making our chitlins happy and not losing our minds in the process. This toy tips those scales in the seriously how much money category? How about you save $35 and have your kid run around with their arms out and play airplane old school style! Also, unless you live somewhere warm, where in god’s name is this toy being played with in December – because you know the “let’s tuck this toy away until summer” shit is not gonna fly (like how I did that?). Good luck having your kid run in circles in your living room while directing this torpedo – you can kiss your TV and lamps adios.
5. Sumo Bumper Boppers – Toys R Us $15/each. Ok these actually look like fun, for an adult. They are described as “bumper cars for kids!” This is marketed for the 4+ age group. I know my son and had I put him in this toy at 4 years old he would have bopped his head right off the wall, the ground, and anything else in his way. I would go ahead and double check the deductible on your insurance plan, and maybe just package this with an ice pack because an injury is highly likely. Based upon the reviews they are flimsy, take a long time to blow up, and last about an hour before bursting – so for $30 to get possibly one hour of fun and the potential for an injury…I’ll pass.
6. Inflatable Tumble Tire - Young Explorers $40. Another sounds like fun right? kinda toy. But take a moment to think this through. Your child will sit inside the ‘tire’ while another child will push them down hills. This sounds like a cartoon, but unlike Wiley Coyote your kid will not bounce right back. How could this toy possibly not go wrong? And it is only weight rated to 50 lbs – so that’s what a 6 year old? After that you just have a kid running next to an inflatable tube. Do yourself a favor – go to the Dollar Store and purchase an inflateable tube. You will save yourself $40 and a trip to the ER. Oh you think I am just being the crazy over protective mom…let me paint you a picture. One kid pushes the tire while the other child is tucked inside, as the tire moves faster and faster the pusher will lose control and the child inside can bail and hope that they don’t hit anything on the way out. I did something similar to this with a cardboard box, a staircase, and two older sisters convincing me it wouldn’t hurt – it did.
7. Let’s Build a Fort – Young Explorers $45. What kid doesn’t love building a fort? I remember lots of great times building one in my basement with my sisters when I was a little girl. You know what I also remember – it was free. We used my dad’s saw horses, sheets, and blankets to construct our quite large home away from home. Sure this kit has specially attached clips and a rope to hang your camouflage sheet but seriously – $45?! Save yourself the money and hand your kid a king size sheet, a few pillows, and chip bag clips and let them use their minds to create a one of a kind fort.
Well I am sure that there are many more ridiculous kids items out on the market just waiting to be purchased and wrapped up. If you know of any I would love to be sent the link.
I gathered some of my information from :
http://www.babble.com/kid/the-best-and-worst-family-tech-and-toys-from-ces-2013/ by DadCamp (Ipotty)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fr7mgzcSGQ by The Little Red Cow (Disney Planes & Despicable Me Fart Blaster)