Top WTF Kids Toys of 2013

The holidays are just around the corner, and even worse – Black Friday is even closer. It is time to try to figure out what the hell to get our over indulged little munchkins! I have done extensive research to try to find the top most annoying, horrible, and just down right Why In God’s Name would I spend m0ney on That options.

Without further adieu…I present The Shitastrophy’s Top 8 WTF Kids Toys of 2013

1. Baby Alive Real Surprises – various locations are selling this little lady for $45. Here’s a fun gift – this baby shits herself! Yea you!! She also says 30+ words and phrases because you need more kids telling you “I’m Hungry!” or “No more!” – how awesome is that? And she pees and poos! Those first few thousands of diapers you changed  with your real kids when they were little were not enough – now you get more diapers! Let’s be serious we all know who is changing this little one. Oh and the food and diapers the baby needs are purchased separately so be sure to stock up!!

BabyAlive

2. The 2-in-1 IPotty with Trainer – various locations are stocking this hygienic item for $40. The manufacturer promotes it as a “comfortable and fun place to train your child to use the potty!” Don’t worry about accidents here parents, they got you covered with a specially designed guard to protect against messy urine and smudges – how thoughtful!

Have we really stooped to this level with technology doing even this job for us? It is the equivalent of the newspaper in the bathroom move by old men. Also, there has been research (AAP) that shows a child sitting on the toilet for more than 5 minutes could cause harm to their bowels. So I am thinking the ability to watch a feature film should not really be the reason to get this device – not to mention…the eewwww factor.

Ipotty

3. Despicable Me Fart Blaster - $30 at Toys R Us. I know I love when my kids just rip one with little thought to how gross it is (one of my children really enjoys doing this in the car when we are all trapped!) now that child can do it on demand anywhere!! God I love things that make noise, it is so relaxing. And it doesn’t only make noise, it lights up, and emits a lovely banana scent too!! Awesome.

FartBlaster

4. Disney Planes Dusty Crophopper Wing Control Remote-Controlled Plane – Walmart $34. Kids take the two enclosed remote controllers and hold in their hands as they move their arms to simulate flying, the plane flies just like it! Now this toy is actually a Kid Chosen One, but let’s be serious it isn’t all about the kids. Christmas gift giving is a balance between making our chitlins happy and not losing our minds in the process. This toy tips those scales in the seriously how much money category? How about  you save $35 and have your kid run around with their arms out and play airplane old school style! Also, unless you live somewhere warm, where in god’s name is this toy being played with in December – because you know the “let’s tuck this toy away until summer” shit is not gonna fly (like how I did that?). Good luck having your kid run in circles in your living room while directing this torpedo – you can kiss your TV and lamps adios.

DustyPlanes

5. Sumo Bumper Boppers – Toys R Us $15/each. Ok these actually look like fun, for an adult. They are described as “bumper cars for kids!” This is marketed for the 4+ age group. I know my son and had I put him in this toy at 4 years old he would have bopped his head right off the wall, the ground, and anything else in his way. I would go ahead and double check the deductible on your insurance plan, and maybe just package this with an ice pack because an injury is highly likely. Based upon the reviews they are flimsy, take a long time to blow up, and last about an hour before bursting – so for $30 to get possibly one hour of fun and the potential for an injury…I’ll pass.

sumoBumper

6. Inflatable Tumble Tire - Young Explorers $40. Another sounds like fun right? kinda toy. But take a moment to think this through. Your child will sit inside the ‘tire’ while another child will push them down hills. This sounds like a cartoon, but unlike Wiley Coyote your kid will not bounce right back. How could this toy possibly not go wrong? And it is only weight rated to 50 lbs – so that’s what a 6 year old? After that you just have a kid running next to an inflatable tube. Do yourself a favor – go to the Dollar Store and purchase an inflateable tube. You will save yourself $40 and a trip to the ER. Oh you think I am just being the crazy over protective mom…let me paint you a picture. One kid pushes the tire while the other child is tucked inside, as the tire moves faster and faster the pusher will lose control and the child inside can bail and hope that they don’t hit anything on the way out. I did something similar to this with a cardboard box, a staircase, and two older sisters convincing me it wouldn’t hurt – it did.

tumbletire

7. Let’s Build a Fort –  Young Explorers $45. What kid doesn’t love building a fort? I remember lots of great times building one in my basement with my sisters when I was a little girl. You know what I also remember – it was free. We used my dad’s saw horses, sheets, and blankets to construct our quite large home away from home. Sure this kit has specially attached clips and a rope to hang your camouflage sheet but seriously – $45?! Save yourself the money and hand your kid a king size sheet, a few pillows, and chip bag clips and let them use their minds to create a one of a kind fort.

BuildFort

Well I am sure that there are many more ridiculous kids items out on the market just waiting to be purchased and wrapped up. If you know of any I would love to be sent the link.

 

 Housekeeping:

I gathered some of my information from :

http://www.babble.com/kid/the-best-and-worst-family-tech-and-toys-from-ces-2013/ by DadCamp (Ipotty)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fr7mgzcSGQ by The Little Red Cow (Disney Planes & Despicable Me Fart Blaster)

Keep On Top Of This Shit!

Comments

  1. Ok I remember when I was younger they had that pooping peeing doll out.. I had one. I played with it for about 3 days before it got old. The rest of them I think I will pass on. Thank goodness my kids are all out of the toy phase. Although my 14 year old built a fort over his queen size bed last spring that he remakes every time I do laundry preferring it to anything else. Its an autism thing I know but seriously who builds a fort that holds up that long??
    Southern Angel recently posted…Pet Peeves by the Listicle with Northwest MommyMy Profile

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Future engineer or architect?? I do think my 8yo would like that doll for about 3 days too…and possibly less once she had to clean it up. I’ll pass as well.

  2. I cannot stop laughing! How in the WORLD did the tumble tire get past the drawing board. I can’t believe they manufactured it. Bwahahahaha. That is totally an ER visit in the making. Good LAWD.
    My favorite is the $45 Let’s Build A Fort. FORTY FIVE DOLLARS for a kit to do what kids for centuries have been doing for free from stuff we all have around the house? That totally takes the cake. I wish I’d thought of it myself and made a million dollars!! –Lisa

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I know right – yet another product you see and think damn! I totally should have designed that…but then you think no one would buy that because really don’t they have all that shit around their house already?! I wish I could find out who did buy that because I have lots of other stuff to sell them:)

  3. We live on a HUGE hill. One or both of my kids could actually DIE in that tire. I mean, really? The one that takes the cake though is the $45 army sheet. WTH??? I’ll come to your house and build you an actual fort for $45.
    Allie recently posted…Thankful For What I’m NotMy Profile

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I LOVE the idea of you going to people’s houses to build them forts for $45!!! I think this has the potential to be a huge hit. We live on a hill too – that tire would be serious injuries for sure. Most people won’t even drive up our driveway from fear of the hill. If my kids were going down it on a tire I would just call the ambulance and have them stationed ready for transport.

  4. The iPad toilet has got to be my favorite. Oh how wonderful it will be as little hands smear shit all over the screen all in the name of learning/entertainment while takin’ care o’ biznez.
    Linda Roy – elleroy was here recently posted…I Don’t Like Mondays Link Up #42 – MondayMy Profile

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      The owners of that must have a shitload (HA!) of money to be able to waste $600 on that gizmo bc I would never touch it again.

  5. LOL! I like the sound of that gun!!
    Michelle Liew recently posted…Meaningfully Basted TurkeyMy Profile

  6. Why are these people encouraging kids to be scatological? At a recent family get together the younger kids (none of mine) were fascinated by poop in potty left by someone. That toy was free.

    weird
    Lance recently posted…Time To Get ILLMy Profile

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Well I personally get a full view of shit in a potty often from my kids desire to not flush the damn toilet. I would never pay, and because I have kids I know how gross they are – that’s why they have their own bathroom. The idea of a iPad for potty time? fucking ridiculous.

  7. I can’t believe they are charging $45 for a fort building kit that doesn’t appear to include any cardboard boxes. No fort is complete without at least one giant cardboard box.
    Lovelyn recently posted…Blackeyes, Turkeys, and Amazing SavingsMy Profile

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I can’t believe I missed that! Damn – maybe that is part of the super fort kit for an additional $100?

  8. I was waiting to see the friendship bracelets make another appearance here! I guess they can’t compete with piss pads and suicidal tire rollers. The Disney Planes Dusty Crophopper definitely made me feel lucky that my kids aren’t old enough to know about any such toy yet! The biggest loser on your list is definitely the ipad potty. Someone who really doesn’t give a shit about healthy kids is going to make some money from that.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      My kids are too old for most of these – thank god! That iPad potty is just grosser than gross. I couldn’t even imagine sitting my kid on that!!

  9. Great list! I can see a kid thinking the tire one was the best thing ever (prior to breaking their bone), but as a parent … yeah we’ll pass on that ER trip, thanks anyway. But I think you’re dismissing the fart blaster a little too fast. Not for your own kids of course, but everyone has that one mom they can not stand. Thirty dollars is a small price to pay knowing they are enduring loud fart noises, flashy lights, and smells.
    Heather recently posted…Work at Home? Get a Real Job and Join the Real WorldMy Profile

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      GREAT point! Damn. Maybe stock up after the holiday because these are sure to be on clearance for upcoming birthday parties!!

  10. And some parents actually pay for this shit? The fort one takes the cake. Someone in R&D must have thought “Here’s a great toy – let’s take what parents ALREADY have in their home, throw it in a box, and sell it for $50″. To quote Susan Powter…Stop The Insanity!
    Gina Jacobs Thomas (@totallyfullofit) recently posted…Holiday Music – “The Sounding Joy” by Elizabeth Mitchell and FriendsMy Profile

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Could you imagine! One person commented for $50 she will go to your house and make your kids a fort! You gotta be an idiot to buy that…and sadly I am sure someone will.

  11. I remember Baby Alive when I was little (and I’m 48!) it was a dumb toy then and it ain’t any better now!! All of these made me laugh and shake my head at the same time! Great post!!

  12. OMG! These are awful! I’m sharing on facebook so more people can see these gifts they must stay away from. If any of these were given to my kids, I’d be pissed!
    Rhonda recently posted…The Most Screwed Up Kids Song I’ve Ever HeardMy Profile

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Awesome, Thanks! I could’t believe the fort one!! Who would buy that? And the Tire…um no. I have to think these designers have no kids and are seriously just out of ideas.

  13. I am SO getting Baby Alive for the asshat neighbor’s kids. Maybe 2.

  14. Baby Alive is nasty! My daughter asked for the every single year until this year (she’s 11 now and it’s so not cool!). I did get the request from one of my boys for the Fart Blaster but sadly it was sold out everywhere I looked. Thank God.
    Sandy Ramsey recently posted…Book Review: The Husband’s SecretMy Profile

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Man did you dodge a bullet this year! Could you imagine if you got him that blaster…you would want to open the door and throw it out in the yard! Stupidest toy ever, and it’s sold out?! I would like to think the person who bought it did so as a FU gift to the child of someone they hate. Horrible. And that baby…yuck.

  15. “baby alive: i shit myself” – hysterical. love it.
    Mack N. Cheese recently posted…sh*t my kids say, part IIMy Profile

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I would like to think that they went with a different phrase – but if I was the designer I would have gone with that.

  16. Ok..ok… Guilty here. Not only did I buy that stupid fart gun…. but I actually had to get two. I know my two boys are going to love them. $60 odd dollars down the sh*tter. It is going to be the hit of Christmas. I am ashamed. My husband farts for free.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It is truly gonna be the gift that keeps on giving – and your right…they will probably LOVE them. Now all your boys can fart together. Good luck – get some vicks.

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