What A Real Holiday Advertisement Should Be

It is that time of the year where we get inundated with advertisements. They are everywhere – TV, billboards, radio, and print. My kids look forward to the daily barrage of catalogs in the mail so they can circle every damn thing they want. At this point they should just hand me back the catalog with the word Yes on it. They could save themselves a lot of time.

The print ad’s have become my nemesis. Everything is in bold graphics, stars are all over it, smiling faces, and the illusion of awesomeness runs through the whole thing. But I know the truth. Those marketers are full of shit. They buy the toys at bulk prices, and even with all of the supply chain costs factored in, they are making a killing on that creepy baby doll that says Momma non-stop. Furthermore, could they just put the price as $30 instead of $29.99 – the penny I save does not make me feel like I am spending less than $30. Unless I am telling my husband how much I spent and then I totally say, “it cost under $30!” But I am no fool – I know the damn price. Oh and the coupons that require you spend some amount that you know damn well you were not planning on spending but will just to get the extra discount. Those annoy the crap out of me.

So I got to thinking…what if the circulars were truthful? What if you opened up the old Sunday paper and in place of 10 pounds of advertising lies, there was one realistic advertisement. I have created what I envision this would look like. Be sure to click on the graphic so you can see it in it’s full beauty because my graphics are still a work in progress. Enjoy.


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  1. BWAH HA HA HA!! First of all, I am pinning this RIGHT NOW, because it made me burst out laughing! Secondly, you are SO RIGHT. My 5 y.o. is an advertiser’s dream. There has never been an As Seen on TV item that she does not instantly desire! 😉

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      she would get along swimmingly with my 8 yo…

  2. Rhonda says:

    I would love to see an ad like that! I love amazon but they totally ticked me off on black friday. The computer we wanted was going on sale at 10:30. Within 15 seconds of it going on sale I clicked the add to cart button and they were all sold out and the waitlist was full? WTH? It was only $30 cheaper than the week before ($60 off that days prices though). They must have only had 1 for the sale. Jerkwads!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Oh yeah I would be on fire. $30 bucks is $30 bucks.

  3. My favorite one is “it’s really 10% off but we want you to feel like you’re getting a deal” hahahaha! SO TRUE!
    Another thing I hate? Those games where you pay like 75cents to position the robot arm to pick up a toy or stuffed animal THAT NEVER EVER GRABS ANYTHING but my kids dream big and are convinced – even after $10 worth of coins – that they are going to get that Elmo doll! I hate those things. I swear I tell it’s a trick and you never win anything and my husband thinks it’s so mean!!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Oh yeah – I crush their dreams on a regular basis. Better they learn the reality – the world is cruel;)

  4. Joy says:

    You should be in marketing!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      I think they would appreciate my honesty.

  5. Priceless and Bullshit. A great combo! I’m sharing!!!!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Well thank you my favorite…I am all about the holiday honesty.

  6. Allie says:

    I might actually BUY something from an ad like that just because it’s so honest!! Loved every bit of this and agree 100%!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Just imagine how awesome it would be if they actually cut the BS and did real ads! I would love it, and get a real laugh out of the honesty – like go ahead pay $20 and this will fall apart in 2 hours! But for $10/hour it is the same money as a babysitter and you don’t have to drive it home! Win!!