I am a Beer Snob

I am a snob. I will freely admit it. I have accepted my snobbish ways and made peace with it. The reason I am so free to label myself? I earned my way into snobville. I am not a snob about everything, just somethings. Today I am showcasing my beer snobbish ways. It drives my hubs crazy.

We go out to eat and when prompted by the waiter/waitress what I would like to drink I go to my #1 choice – Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. If that is not an option then I will tee up #2 – Stella Artois. If I still can’t win I move onto #3 – Blue Moon, with an orange. Yup I like fruit in my beer. These are my 3 options, if these are not options then I will get an Ice Tea. There are no 4th or 5th place choices. I will not just take whatever is on special, or tap. This sets the hubs free.

How did I become such a beer snob? And why do I happily embrace my snobbish ways? Well I grew up the daughter of a beer salesman. I know beer; good beer and shitty beer. My father would bring home bottles of beer from the warehouse. He would get them for free when a bottle would break in a case, the distributor could no longer sell the case with just 23 bottles that were covered in glass. So the glass covered sticky case of beer would be set out for the workers. He, and I assume the other workers, would pilfer these freebies for their own consumption.

As far back as I can remember my dad would bring home bottles covered in glass shards and we (my sisters, myself, and my mother) would wash each bottle and dry them. We would then place them at the top of the stairs to the basement in the empty cases that were kept for this very reason. I learned about import beer from the not so good domestic beers. My mother would get all excited when he brought home Molson Golden’s or Moosehead, but she would recoil at the site of Coors Extra Gold. Who can blame her? That shit sucks.

As I got older these mixed lots of beer bottles fueled my weekend high school drinking. It was pretty easy to take the cold beers from the refrigerator and switch it with the warm beers from the steps. There were so many different types they had no idea how many of each type were there. Yes, I was that kid. I drank in high school, a lot. Mainly just to be cool, but was there really any other reason? It surely wasn’t for the taste, my palate had not yet evolved to it’s current snobbish ways.

When I went to college it was necessary to get a job. My parents were on a limited budget and I got no spending money. If I wanted to do anything I was financing it. I worked on campus raking in an whopping $4/hour in the library for about 15 hours a week. That got me close to nothing. After my sophomore year my father was forced to retire due to health issues. I was not living on campus and had to pay for my food, utilities, and spending money. My parents paid my rent of $270/month. That was all they could afford. So I got a job waitressing at a micro-beer bar.

I sucked at waitressing but I wore short shorts and weighed 108 lbs at 5’5 (those days have sailed). I made great tips, and ironically the more I leaned over to wipe down the tables the better I did. Weird. Yes, this was borderline wrong but when I had no money and no food it seemed like a good idea. What I also learned, other than that men liked to look at my ass, was all different things about beer. As part of my job I was required to Β taste test the beers so that we could recommend them to our customers, it was a hard life but someone had to do it. I learned about stout vs lager, pale ale vs. wheats, and which countries specialized in what types. I learned about what goes in to making the beers, the process, the fermentation, etc. I knew more about beer than most things in college.

Now that I am able to afford the good beer I appreciate that knowledge, cause I fucking earned it the hard way. I earned it through years of crappy waitressing and long hours standing. I earned it through evenings of smelling like food, and picking crusted ketchup off my clothes. I earned it through standing on the corner, next to the working girls, in downtown Pittsburgh in 10 degree weather waiting for a bus to get to my job. I earned it from putting up with asshole customers who hit on me and drove me crazy.

I earned my beer snobbish title and I am damn proud of it. So if you see me drinking a Sierra Nevada or a Stella please know that I am enjoying every last fucking drop of it cause it is good and I know it.

Stella

Comments

  1. Phil says:

    I have always know this about you, and appreciate it! I remember a few times of putting our nickles and dimes together to be able to afford good beer at Smokin’ Joes πŸ˜‰

    • admin says:

      I miss those days…Smokin Joes, not the poverty:) Time for a repeat performance soon!

  2. I’ve turned into a bit of a beer snob in the last 10 years…the cheap shit I used to drink by the gallon just makes me gag now

    • admin says:

      Cheap beer is the WORST! Seriously if I am going to only have 2 beers, they damn well are going to count.

  3. So tell me: where does Blue Moon fall in your rankings? It’s among my faves and I wanna see if we can be BFFs or not πŸ™‚

    • admin says:

      I love me some Blue Moon, it is #3 – and I have 3 cold ones sitting in the frig as I type. Might have to make that 2:)

  4. My list is Modelo Especial, bottle no cans and/or Blue Moon (extra points for orange slices) I’ll try other things, but I’ve learned to carry my own spiked drink or B.Y.O. B.

    Also, your link is messed up, but I tweeted and put on Facebook.

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      It is not heard of for me to arrive with my own cooler, or at a minimum my own 6. I am always happy to share, but do not enjoy cans of any kind unless I am at my parents and then it is out of necessity. I haven’t tried a Modelo Especial – may just have to pick that up next time I am at the store. Thanks for the tweet love. I will check out my link.

  5. I don’t drink so I have no opinion whatsoever but I just so love reading your posts. πŸ™‚

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Thanks! My hubs doesn’t drink either, which is probably why it annoys him so much:)

  6. I don’t drink beer either, but my husband appreciates a good beer. Though during very tight times he’s been known to drink the cheapest stuff he could find. Someone told him that Aldi’s used to have a beer that was so cheap that all it said on the can was BEER. We tried to find this gem and could not. Bummer.

    I’m a wine drinker myself, but can’t stand the really cheap stuff because it gives me a headache, but can’t afford much. Ah Sutter Home, I love you so…

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      The only time I can do cheap beer is when I am visiting my parents. They are on a budget in their golden years so there is all sorts of yummy cheap canned beer there. The alternative is dealing with them minus the beer so I always opt for a cold PBR in a can! Yummy. And all wine gives me a headache or I would gladly drink that.

  7. I also am not a beer drinker, but my husband is 100% Irish and is a huge beer snob. He will only drink, Guinness, Killian’s Sam Adams Variety and sometimes Blue Moon (on rare occasions). So, for that alone, I can understand where you are coming from, because of my husband’s preferences with beer and think you are totally entitled to your preferences on this one for sure!

    • theshitastrophy.com says:

      Maybe it’s an irish thing – I am half irish and half italian!

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  1. […] Coach Gunn had two coolers of beer ready for all of us to enjoy. I hate canned beer (please read I am a Beer Snob) but after 19 miles in the fucking pouring monsoon rains, eating concoctions that tasted like warm […]

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