The Backside of Sharing a Hotel with Your Kid

By Michael Rivera - Own work,

By Michael Rivera – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0,

I travel with my son often. Typically we get a hotel room with two double beds, or a king and a pullout couch. This ensures I don’t sleep with him because he’s a bed hog, he farts a lot, and besides the noxious stench there’s the fact that he’s 13 which is just weird.

This arrangement has worked for us for the better part of three years that we have been ‘vacationing’. However, this past trip we headed to Washington D.C. for a few days and my sister from NJ was traveling down to join us. We decided since she never gets to see us, we would just share a room. I really wasn’t too concerned since I figured we would get a roll away bed for my kid to slumber on while the two adults took the two beds in the room.

This plan was perfect, until it wasn’t.

When I checked in I asked the desk attendant if we could have a roll away bed and was informed there was no room for a rollaway in a hotel room with two queen beds. Only the rooms with a king bed had space for a rollaway, and guess what…they were sold out of those rooms. With really no options I figured the kid could just sleep on the floor, because he’s a kid who cares where he sleeps.

My son and I arrived a day before my sister so initially he had his own bed. The next day we explored Washington D.C., returning to our hotel around 5 pm. I kindly explained to my son, “you’re sleeping on the floor” to which I received a staunch “No.” This went round and round for a bit, before he unilaterally exclaimed he was keeping his bed.

“Uh, no your not. I’m taking your bed, and you are hitting the hard carpet for slumber.” I replied

The child looked at me, pulled his pants partially down and with a cheshire grin began to wipe his god damn ass all over the bed, blankets, and sheets knowing full well I would go no where near those contaminated castoffs.

Son of a Bitch! WTF child.

My sister and I shared a bed for the remaining two nights while he lounged like a king on his bed. I gotta say, although I was pretty annoyed I was also damn impressed he had the quick thinking to go the extra step to claim his throne.

Score one for the kid.

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